


Fake

by pyupew



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Darkfic, Dehumanization, Drama, Dynamic Character, Incest, M/M, Manipulation, Past Child Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sans-centric, implied underage rape, noncon will be somewhat graphic so be careful fam, underage stuff is not tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2018-09-19 21:28:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9461105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyupew/pseuds/pyupew
Summary: The universe never lets Sans be happy, does it?Of course his childhood nightmare comes back when he's at his most content and happiest.Of.Course.





	1. Peace

**Author's Note:**

> Slathers my slimy hands over UT and gives u this fic.  
> 

 

He just remembers reaching and reaching, clawing hungrily for the light that shines so, _so_ brightly. His intentions were simple, he had been so stuck in so much dark, so much black, that seeing something so _white_ so _blinding_ and warm surged him with such heavy animalistic desire. If he were at a more stable mental state, he would have stopped – perhaps calculated, but his mind – his mind had been so stunned by what he saw, he threw logic out the window and drove forward with instinct.

It called to him, it blinked tauntingly at him as he continued to try and get close to it – but he felt the void push him back, push him further away, as the light merely mocked and laughed at his attempts.

But Gaster was filled with such burning DETERMINATION, a feeling he thought had died so so long ago that it was nearly overwhelming – and he surged forward, not letting the black tug him back, before he finally grasped the white shining light – the feeling of relief burnt through him, feeling _complete._

And for once his mind wasn’t filled with so many _many_ different memories, memories that could be his and could not be, memories that cluttered his poor brain in merciless searing blinding pain – Instead, Instead only one memory flickered in his brain, one that he knew was his, one that made him weep.

Then everything went black, he felt his mind slipping, and he felt himself panic – he couldn’t go back, he couldn’t go back, not to the void _please. He just wants to remember who he was –_

Gaster passed out with the image of two smaller children, ridiculously small bony hands clasping at his black coat, grins wide and eyes so wide with admiration and **_trust_**.

It sent a shiver down his spine.

\--

“overruled.”

“WHA—SANS!!!”

The shorter skeleton merely grinned up at Papyrus, who looked like he wanted to stomp his feet but with his legs currently occupied sitting cross legged on the floor he had to settle with flailing his arms in defiance.

 “JUST BECAUSE THE HUMAN IS CUTE!!! DOESN’T MEAN YOU GET TO TAKE THEIR SIDE!!”

Frisk giggles, sitting on their knees across from Papyrus, bringing out their hands to sign, _“You think I’m cute?”_

Papyrus turns a little orange at the cheeks and flails his arms harder, “DO NOT TRY TO TURN MY WORDS AGAINST ME HUMAN!!”

Sans looks down at the board game their playing, sitting cross legged, adjacent to the other two, “sorry bro, rules are rules.”

Papyrus seems to want to argue further but instead he jumps up to his feet and points a finger at Frisks direction, a hand resting at his hip, “YOU HAVE WON THIS ROUND HUMAN!!!” The hand pointing at Frisk turns to point to his pumped up chest, “BUT REST ASSURED NEXT TIME, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SHALL DEFEAT YOU!! FOR I NEVER GIVE UP.”

Frisk just smirks smugly, _“Round two?”_ they sign.

“ok, ok,” Sans puts a hand between the two, deeply amused and wanting to continue but, “round two has to continue another day, I gotta take you home kid.”

Frisk pouts and stubbornly crosses their arms while Papyrus lets out an offended choking noise.

“BUT SANS-!!!”

Sans quirks up an amused brow bone and gets to his feet, “sorry bro, queens orders, they gotta be home before 7.”

Papyrus huffs and crosses his arms to mimic Frisk, “VERY WELL!!” He gives frisk another dramatic point of his finger, “DO NOT THINK YOU CAN RUN!!! THERE WILL BE A SECOND ROUND.”

Frisk just giggles and gets to their feet, quickly running towards Papyrus to hug him goodbye. The tall skeleton hugs back without a second thought, leaning down to properly wrap his arms around the human, “UNTIL NEXT TIME, SMALL HUMAN!!”

Sans smiles and offers his hand up to Frisk who takes it and waves at Papyrus – before the world blinks out and they’re at the front door of the Queens place.

Sans looks at it before looking down at Frisk, “tell tori I said hi, kid.”

Frisk nods, hugs him a little tight (Sans awkwardly pats their back) before the kid runs to the entrance of their home– waving with a big smile before they disappear behind the beige door.

Sans sags a little, exhausted, but not in the bad way. He teleports back to his and Papyrus’s place, specifically in the living room, nearly scaring the eye lights out of his brother who was beginning to put away the board game.

“SANS!! WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS DO THAT!!”

Sans merely grins, watching as his brother huffs and goes back to his task – he almost yawns at how Papyrus is so meticulous about putting the tiny pieces of the game into a color coordinated matter.

“you need help with that?” Sans asks despite knowing the answer.

“IT IS QUITE ALRIGHT BROTHER, I WILL CLEAN.”

Sans shrugs, “aight, im going to bed then, goodnight paps.”

“GOOD NIGHT BROTHER!!!”

Sans gives his brother one last wide smile before he teleports to his room, satisfied at hearing Papyrus’s scolding at his teleporting.

His smile softens, flopping down on his bed and stretching out his bones. It had been awhile since he felt this peaceful.

Blinking, he looks at the ceiling then outside his window, where he sees the bright lights of the far away city, the moon and the stars.

Perhaps he shouldn’t get so used to this, but after so much endless loops of resets, could you blame him? He never felt so settled, so relaxed and content with his situation. Before it felt like he was always filled with adrenaline and fear, always on his toes waiting for the kid to strike, waiting for the next RESET.

But they had went to the surface, Frisk had promised him whole heartedly that no more RESETS will occur (and later he found out it was not Frisk behind the genocide route, but Chara) and although he had been incredibly doubtful in the beginning – years had passed, monsters had gained rights, and despite the still heavy prejudice many humans have – it has been so much better than the first 2 years.

It was nice, feeling so settled.

After everything – the hardhips he had to endure – he really felt like he deserved this long waited break. Heh.

He briefly recalls a long forgotten past, a past that he had stubbornly hidden deep behind the darker crevices of his skull – it had used to affect him so heavily but now… it is merely a memory of the past.

Sans was content.

He fell asleep to happy memories.

\--

It’s so, so, so painful, it feels like his body is being ripped and morphed in all directions, trying to settle, trying to find that _something_ – whatever that something was.

He feels his SOUL plunging deep within him, sees images flicker through him, but this time he knows, he knows these memories are his. They are broken, out of place, and everywhere – but they are his, _only his_.

And he gasps, lungs (lungs?) filling with air, he barely registers how cold it is, how his bones rattle almost painfully and all he can uselessly think about is that he doesn’t need to breath in the void, how he shouldn’t be shivering , how he shouldn’t even be _feeling_.

His vision is blurring, he feels tacky salty tears slide down his cheeks and he _stares_ – so, so confused – at the dark emptiness above him and it is so _startling_ that it isn’t an endless black but a gray, cracked, worn ceiling.

Then he slowly looks to the side, his heart leaps at the cold, white tiled floor he’s lying on and at the familiar looking equipment surrounding him – _It can’t be._

As if he had been burnt he leaps up to sit, his vision slightly blurring from the quick movement but his breathing is controlled – and his eyes adjust easily to his surroundings.

It’s his lab.

He looks at the cluttered and scattered papers, at the broken vials and cups, at his many numerous projects – and then, he looks at his hands.

The holes, they are still there, the sight fills him with bitterness, anger, and…..a surprising sense of pride.

It is all so much to take in, he can’t even orient his memories straight, he just doesn’t know which Gaster he is, doesn’t know if his name _is_ Gaster.

Where is _Sans? Papyrus?_ Is everyone even still alive?

Shaking, he grabs onto a desk to upright himself, his legs so shaky beneath him, and he notices then that his clothes are so surprisingly whole – then he looks at a machine that is covered by a crisp white sheet and he shivers.

He remembers, getting locked inside, the machine whirring and shaking and the panic he felt as he felt his body start to tear itself apart. Remembers pounding on the glass door for help, feeling a sense of shock rattle through him as the very monster who could have saved him turned their on him back.

Which monster? He isn’t sure, but he feels it in his bones that his death was no accident.

And – Gaster clutches at his head, his memories so frustratingly shattered – for some reason he doesn’t even feel _angry._ That should be a rational thought, right? He should feel vengeance, betrayal, _something._ But he feels so icingly numb to it.

He doesn’t understand why.

\--

Papyrus is weird this morning, Sans muses.

_well, weirder than normal._

He watches as the tall skeleton treks around the kitchen, unusually quiet and a little solemn – he’s picking up ingredients and taking out pans, but he isn’t humming and the usual prep in his step is gone and sometimes he just pauses and his teeth pull down with an unusual frown that just does _not_ look right on his baby brothers face.

And Sans had been standing here, waiting for Papyrus to notice him with an expectant brow arch – but nothin’.

“bro?” Sans starts, unsure how to go about this situation.

Papyrus jumps, almost dropping the pan in his hand as he swivels his head towards Sans who’s merely leaning against the archway of the kitchen.

“Sans—“ Papyrus pauses, and Sans smile turns a little more concerned, “SANS!! GOOD MORNING! HOW DID YOU SLEEP.”

“good…,” Papyrus promptly shuffles to get out a knife to start cutting the tomatoes in front of him, before pausing and continuing again with a whistle – catching himself.

Weird… Sans feels his worry just grow _more._ The only times he’d seen Papyrus like this… is when he’d been one of the last few monsters dusted by Chara, a more darker time where Papyrus’ hope and optimism was chipping away one by one.

Sans finally let himself frown, as Papyrus ushered him to the dining table, nearly slamming a plate of spaghetti in front of him before the taller skeleton sat down himself across from Sans – all too eagerly digging into his own plate.

Sans drummed his fingers on the table, noticing how Papyrus forgot to put down the placemats before he picked up his fork.

“papyrus…,” Sans starts, staring at the other, he notices the other freeze midway of eating before flashing a questioning look towards him.

“you okay bro?”

Papyrus pauses for a minute, furrowing his eyebrows, his eyes flickering with uncertainty and his ungloved boney hands noticeably clutch the fork a little tighter.

“YES??”

“you don’t sound so sure of yourself.”

Papyrus huffs, and looks to the side, “I, WELL,” he looks thoughtful and very confused, “I HAD A VERY STRANGE DREAM?” he shakes his head, “IT IS PROBABLY NOTHING.”

Curious, Sans puts his fork down and fully regards his brother, “I don’t think it’s nothing if its bothering you so much bro, what was it about?”

“Hm, well,” Papyrus starts, looking unsure, voice a little quiet, “WELL--! I AM... quite unsure how to explain it.”

“its okay bro, tell me about it as best as you can.”

“IT WAS… There was a lab?” Papyrus scratches his skull, squinting at the ceiling as if the dream was there, “And I saw – I saw you, you were arguing with someone, he was –“

“he was…?” Sans grows anxious, that sounds a little too familiar…

 “YES! He was, well! TALL!!” Papyrus stands up, putting his hand up high, “AND I WAS A BABY BONES! AND YOU… looked very very sad and angry,” He cringes, “AND I COULDN’T DO ANYTHING BUT STAND THERE!!!”

Sans is not liking where his mind is going, because that’s impossible, right? He must be overthinking, right? “how, how did he look like?”

Papyrus then notices Sans widening sockets and he feels himself tense at that, “HE…. Was white! Like a skeleton, and wore a very very long coat. HIS FACE... was a little scary!”

That… Sans freezes, that shouldn’t be possible. He feels himself on the verge of hyperventilating, pushed away memories flickering towards the surface of his mind – going so fast – papyrus _shouldn’t_ remember – _how.how._

He had _erased him_ , he had made sure, no remnants of him should exist outside his own mind – _nothing._

Sans snaps out of it when Papyrus shakes his shoulders and he slowly becomes aware of how hard he’s breathing – he forces himself to calm down– _in, out, in..._

“SANS?? WHAT HAPPENED, ARE YOU OKAY?”

“yes,” he breathes, his whole body shook, and he wanted nothing more than to throw up but then he looks at Papyrus’s heavily concerned frown and forces himself to chill the fuck out, “sorry. I uh—“

“IS THIS DREAM,” Papyrus starts, stern, not letting Sans deflect the issue, “A MEMORY?”

Sans almost feels himself wheeze back into another panic attack but grounds himself, “haha, no its just --,” he winces as Papyrus gives him a _don’t-you-dare-glare_ , “look paps—“ he really doesn’t know what to say, this was so beyond him, he had made _sure_. Is papyrus also an expectation? But why now?? Why only now…. Papyrus has never, not in any timeline, recalled that darker part of their childhood.

“have you had dreams like this before?” he asks instead

Papyrus frowns more, “NO, BUT,” He clenches Sans shoulders a little tighter, ‘IT HAD FELT… STRANGLY REAL.”

“oh, hehe,” he looks to the side, he feels Papyrus’s analyzing gaze scorch into his skull.

“WHAT ARE YOU NOT TELLING ME BROTHER? PLEASE… I am concerned.”

Sans winces, and looks back at his brothers genuinely worried gaze, feeling defeated “I—I wish I knew where to start paps but… oh god,” he rubs his head, “this is way past my element.”

“WELL HOW ABOUT START WITH WHO IS THIS MAN?”

“well,” sans starts, about to just _spill_ about that man practically being their father, but his phone starts obnoxiously ringing – causing him and Papyrus to jump – subconsciously he hovers a hand over his pocket before catching himself and looking back at Papyrus, who didn’t look very pleased at the interruption but he nods so Sans answers

“hey?” he tries to keep the shaking out of his voice.

“Sans?”

Sans blinks and sits up a little straighter, “Tori?” she sounds off…?

“This is an… emergency meeting, its…” she stops, “Please just come over to my place.”

He frowns out of worry, “are you okay?”

“Yes, just please get over here, bring Papyrus.”

“ok,” he frowns, “see ya there.”

He hangs up and looks at Papyrus, his face daring Sans to try and run away from their conversation, “WHAT HAPPENED?”

“I don’t know, but tori said its an emergency – she said we both gotta get over there,” Sans waves off Papyrus’s suspicious gaze, “really paps, she sounded off, we can... talk about this after, aight?”

Papyrus sighs and stands up to start putting his shoes on, “IS SHE OKAY?”

Sans shakes his head, “donno bro,” he himself puts on his pink slippers, grabbing Papyrus’s arm, “you okay with us teleporting?”

Papyrus, his face still etched with worry, nods and the world flickers out.

\--

Sans feels a weird sense of dread when he knocks on Toriel’s door, it makes his legs twitchy, it makes him want to run away and for the life of him he doesn’t understand _why_.

Undyne answers the door, and it didn’t relieve any of his worries, she looked confused and worried, “Took you long enough,” she’s uncharacteristically quiet as she side steps for the two to step in.

“WHAT’S GOING ON?”

“I don’t know!” she’s more louder now, which helps Sans calm down a little, “I’m just as lost as you! There’s this guy here, he’s making everyone – even alyphs act weird.”

“who?” he warily looks towards the living room, its unusually quiet – it unnerves him.

Undyne shakes her head, “His name is--”San’s doesn’t hear what Undyne says next, because he catches someone shifting out from the living room, and it feels like everything is blurring together and his ears feel like they’ve been stuffed with water –-

“d-dad?”

\---

\--

-

_Small white bony hands clutch desperately at the black, so black coat, his vision is filled with cold uncaring eye lights and a contradicting gentle smile._

_“I’m sorry, Sans.”_

 

 


	2. Reunion

 

Sans feels himself shut down, his breathing unusually rabid and panicked – his current location and situation seems so fuzzily unclear to him – in his head, he’s a kid again, back in the labs, cowering and hugging the wall while desperately begging for MERCY while a towering figure (he seemed like a _giant_ when he was just babybones) cruelly and coldly told him to _‘stop being difficult.’_

He flinches as a hand makes a grab for him, his irrational state of mind expects to be forced into a table, forced to withstand needles and unwanted touches –

Sans gasps as his head is sent sideways, his brain freezing, unable to process where he was and what he has doing and there’s a confusing sting on his cheek. His vision slowly comes back and he sees old floral wallpaper and familiar friendly photographs – he remembers he’s in Tori’s house -- he turns and see’s Undyne, her hand is half raised and her eyebrows are furrowed in concern.

Oh – she slapped him.

“Sans!” She grabs his shoulders and he flinches – Undyne doesn’t notice or acknowledges it, “Are you okay?”

He nods hesitantly and slithers his eye lights back to… -- he nearly has another mental breakdown but he forces himself to control his breathing as he watches Gaster nervously flicker his eye lights between him and Papyrus.

And that made Sans _sick_ , he doesn’t want Gasters gaze _anywhere_ near Papyrus –

“Sans…? Papyrus?”

Hearing his voice makes his stomach twist unpleasantly and a bubbling rage and _protectiveness_ over takes his initial fear, it’s so overwhelming he can’t help but shake – he barely notices that there are others behind Gaster, “don’t fucking utter another word.”

The fire in his voice causes Gaster to flinch – and that only alarms Sans further – feeling the need to instinctively grab Papyrus and just _run_.

“I..don’t..”

And Sans is about to go _off,_ his arms automatically pushing Undyne aside and stomping closer to _His Bastard of a Father –_ but then Frisk steps between them, their arms outstretched – blocking – their eyebrows set and their frown DETERMINED.

Sans only has eyes on Gaster, however, “ _move away kid.”_

His intent is not in any way MERCY, it is full of rage and a need to _hurt_ , and the other monsters can clearly sense it.

Toriel quickly tries to withdraw Frisk by pulling at their arm, but they stay stubbornly still and profusely shake their head, “Sans – you must calm down, he means no harm –“

**_“move.”_ **

“SANS—“

The voice surprises him with a jolt, he had completely forgotten Papyrus was here… and he realized with more of a start how many eyes were on him – curious, confused, _scared_.

He tries to relax his posture, for his friends, but he’s high strung on nerves and fear.

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON,” Papyrus grabs his shoulder and he’s staring at Gaster, “BUT YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN. BECAUSE HE IS OUR… F-FATHER…? RIGHT?” Poor, poor, Papyrus has such _hope_ and _wonder_ in his eyes, “SO, HE IS FAMILY, YOU MUSN’T TREAT HIM LIKE THIS!”

Sans dislikes how he immediately deflates – god he gives up so easily – but with Papyrus involved its hard to be hostile, “he is no father of mine.”

He feels Papyrus clutch at his shoulder tighter.

And watches as Gaster straightens his back, reorients himself, and he looks so much more like the Dr Gaster he knew that it nearly sends him to another panic attack, “Sans, I don’t… I’m going to be honest. My memories are very scattered and lost… I—I don’t know what I did to make you hate me but – I want to say sorry.”

He… doesn’t remember?

What a fucking joke, he has to be _lying_ to him – but the way Gaster nervously wrings his hands together, how his eyelights look sincerely pleading and _confused_ , it makes Sans shake – he knows, he’s aware how unusual Gaster is acting, but his mind _wants_ to refuse the possibility.

The Gaster he knew was calculating, manipulative, _cold._ In a way he was overly confident and easily able to charm others. He wasn’t… awkward, nervous…. Like the man he is witnessing in front of him.

“And I know --,” he starts again after a long pause, “I know it doesn’t mean much since I do not recall what I’ve done but… please, I would like to ask you to give me a second chance.”

He takes his time to fully look at Gaster instead of gracing him with a response. He takes in how instead of a clean smooth skull there are starkly black cracks – one eye droppy, lazy, no eyelight. Then his hands, he stares at the holes in his palms, it made him feel slightly sick – sick with guilt.

He closes his eye sockets and turns his head away, he’s sure that Gaster isn’t lying – sure the guy was cunning but… this? He wouldn’t make himself look so vulnerable to trick people, it wasn’t how he worked.

“so?” Sans laugh is humorless and cold, “ya’ think just because you’re clueless of the shit you did, ya’ think I’d forgive you?”

“Of course not – I –“

**_“shut up.”_ **

“BROTHER…”

Sans shakes his head, this whole situation feeling absolutely _bizarre_. He never thought he’d see this man again – never thought Papyrus would have to lay his innocent gaze on a man so _horrible_. God, the man who’d never admit he made mistakes, avoided and denied his flaws was actually _apologizing_  for something he doesn’t even even know _half_ of and its HILARIOUS that his eyes are so filled with disgusting hope.

It makes him _angry_ that Gaster is so clueless of the things he committed.

He had enough. Sans grabs Papyrus’s arm and promptly drags him to the front door, “this is stupid, let’s go bro.”

But Papyrus stops when he realizes what Sans is doing, not letting himself get dragged any further, “NO, SANS,” Sans freezes, his back against the other, “I CANNOT LEAVE – I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW, WE HAD A FATHER. AND I… I WANT TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE – HE IS GENUINE, SANS! DESPITE WHAT YOU BELIEVE!”

Sans slowly looks at Papyrus, feeling churning dread.

“AND, IF YOU CAN FIND IT IN YOURSELF SANS – PLEASE GIVE HIM A CHANCE TOO!”

He lets go of his brothers hand, feeling lost, of course Papyrus would whole-heartedly believe Gaster – he wasn’t surprised. But he had hoped Papyrus would be so caught off guard and confused that he’d let him drag them back home.

Sans looks at Gaster – who looks back at him, eyes gazing at him wide eyed, _pleading_.

“do what you want.”

He teleports away.

\--

_“s-“ a choke, small, broken, “stop, please.”_

_Shaking hands clutch hip bones (so small, way too small.) A side of him yells at him to stop, to consider what he was **doing** , but the hunger, the lust, the **need** is so overwhelming that it makes his SOUL stutter with nausea – just this once. Just one time and he won’t ever do this again, just so then the dreams stop, so the intrusive thoughts can let him **rest.**_

_“I can’t.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i proofread this 500 times, it aint getting any better than this.


	3. Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot to take in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, sorry this took so long. i had the rough draft of this chapter typed up for awhile but didnt have time to really edit it until now. That being said i still really don't like it and it was just a huge pain to edit.  
> But hey, its like, 4,000 words. A lot more than the last 2 chapters. thumbs up.

There was a time, when their family was like any other monsters.

When Gaster was just a simple aspiring scientist that had an overbearing optimistic view of the world – he held strongly onto the belief that one day monsterkind can be freed from the underground and that he can be the one to help towards that goal.

And Sans had looked up to him, naïve and starstruck at how heroic his father sounded each time he voiced his hypothesis and ideals, in response he’d claim with enthusiasm he’d like to be his assistant and – and Gaster would smile so brightly, a proud fatherly smile.

They had a mother too, despite how fuzzy his memory was of her, the thought of her always sparked Sans with a sort of nostalgic warmth. She was a perfect puzzle to their father, always supporting his ways, always there to push him in the right direction.

He normally didn’t dwell that far in the past, it was far away and very distant – those warm memories already seemed so overshadowed by the cold ones.

It’s hard not to think about currently however, as Sans stares listlessly at the cracked ceiling of his room.

He shifts and his bed creaks in response, he holds tightly to the blankets he wrapped himself in.

It’s stupid – really – thinking about things you can never go back to – when the reality of your situation only makes those memories hurt even more. But, Sans would be a dirty liar if he said he had no hope they could be a family like that again – if in his heart he never had the idea of “what ifs” filter through his mind once in awhile.

Sans, however is no _fool_. He is not naïve of who Gaster really is and the thought of such a man being an actual father figure in his life is a hilarious joke. And, the thought of Papyrus being so willing to give that man a shot, despite not even _knowing_ what he did to them – it makes Sans sick.

Honestly though? Even if Papyrus remembered, he’d probably still forgive him in a heartbeat. He has such a strong ideal that people can change if they really try, a trait Sans finds endearing but also frustrating.

Sans sighs and sits up, tired – but not sleepy – just emotionally tired.

Being more calm now, he was a little angry at himself for leaving so abruptly, at leaving Papyrus alone with Gaster.

Well… the others are there as well, but, they are not as involved emotionally as he and Papyrus are, it is a little different – Which is why he should have stayed there to guide Papyrus through the confusion he may be experiencing right now but he just… left.

It’s no surprise, its been established that he’s a coward – and having to see… Gaster, who is the pure definition of _apathy_ , apologize to him and have the others stare at him like _he_ was the villain when – when…

Whatever. _Whatever._ It’s done, his friends had seen a side of him he hoped they’d never witness, there’s nothing he can do to take it back.

And – the more alarming question, how was that bastard even _alive?_

Sans had --… he had made _sure_ Gaster was gone – for the benefit of his and Papyrus’s mental health. When the other was caught off guard he had killed Gaster with his own invention, had seen his father get ripped to dusty shreds in the machine – had heard the awful and loud screams Gaster had made while he was slowly torn apart.

But he’s alive and Sans can’t help but find it sort of morbidly funny. He tries to kill the human, they never stay dead. He tries to kill Gaster, and that bastard also won’t stay dead. It feels surreal, for this to happen, and after so many _years_ …

His whole lifes a joke, what is he supposed to do now? Just accept this?

Sans can’t remember when was the last time he had felt so helpless, it had been so long ago – but now, laying here, he just felt tired and weak.

He wants to cry, but even that seems like too much work.

Heh.

\--

 “DO NOT WORRY, I’M SURE SANS WILL… COME AROUND.”

Gaster stared at the spot Sans was before he shifted his gaze to Papyrus (Seeing him so grown up and healthy really swells his SOUL with pride), “Thank you…,” But somehow, deep in his gut, Gaster knows that Sans will never ‘come around’.

Whatever he had done… it must have been horrible.

Horribly enough to warrant the strong intent that was coming off of Sans. Sure, he really doesn’t _know_ Sans (his own son too, isn’t that depressing?) but he’s aware monsters are way too kind to hold grudges and… especially towards a parental figure, it’s a bit rare. But Sans was ready to dust him there and then – Gaster is vividly aware of this.

He just isn’t sure _why_ and that frustrates him.

“Did that punk REALLY just leave????”

He blinks at the fish – what was her name…? He squints, she does look rather familiar.

She swivels towards him and gives him an accusing stare before pointedly looking at Papyrus, “LIKE, what about you? He just left you here by yourself!!!”

Papyrus blinks at her, confused, “I’M NOT ALONE AT ALL! EVERYONE IS HERE, SILLY!”

“That’s not--!” She grumbles and flounders for a moment, as if unsure how to word herself “He just should have stayed, ok!!!??”

“UNDYNE, DON’T BE SILLY, HE WAS UPSET.”

Gasters’ brain immediately latches onto the name – right, he remembers her but only briefly, he recognized she was in the care of Gerson way back then. She was a lot younger back then.

The yellow lizard (he doesn’t know her name, but she’s _vividly_ familiar) latches onto Undynes’ arm, who tenses before relaxing into the touch – her eyes flickering toward the short monster, her gaze soft.

“Whatever, this whole things just a mess,” Undyne sighs and her gaze flickers up at Gaster, her eyes are heated and scrutinizing, “So? What was that all about? Who are you?”

Alphys yelps and yanks Undynes arm down, she says something to the fish but – her voice is so small Gaster can’t catch any of it – but it causes Undyne to deflate and huff, her gaze wearily on Gaster.

“Now, now,” Cuts in Toriel, “Let’s stop standing around here like fools and take this discussion to the living room, I shall make some tea.”

He blinks as the Queen turns away to the other end of the hall, probably where the kitchen is – he barely has much memory of her. As it is with a lot of people in this room, but for some reason he remembers other small details so vividly. Since he knows what a house is, what the basics of monster anatomy and the SOUL theory – but personal stuff? His mind is blank and troubled in that topic. Strange.

Gaster nearly jumps when he feels a hand on his shoulder, he blinks at it – white, soft – before he trails his gaze up to its owner. Asgore.

“Over here, Dr. Gaster,” his smile is soft and gentle, his head nods towards to the living room terrace.

“Ah, right,” he mumbles, awkwardly shuffling into the living room – everyone seems rather situated while he was off in his own head… how embarrassing.

The kid waves at him with an encouraging smile while patting the empty space next to them. Gaster obediently sits next to them, feeling immensely out of place, his social skills aren’t particularly the best currently.

He looks around – the living room is decently sized. There’s a coffee table in the middle with two 3-seated couches on each side, the end had a fluffy recliner seat that looked well loved.

On the couch he’s seated, Frisk is on right while Asgore situated himself to his left – its not too tight of a fit, surprisingly, since Frisk is quite small and he’s quite thin. On the other side of the coffee table is where Papyrus is seated, eagerly staring at him on the edge of his seat, with the lizard and Undyne to his right.

He should really figure out the lizards name, but he keeps forgetting she’s even there – she’s so quiet and at the times she has spoken she’d only directed it for Undynes ears.

It’s a little maddening, not knowing, but he doesn’t know if it’s okay for him to ask – she seems jumpy around him.

“Here we are,” Toriel whisks in, with a tray holding teacups and a teapot, placing it gently on the table.

She serves everyone tea like a good host before sitting down on the single recliner chair with her own cup of tea, blowing on it gently.

Awkwardly he picks up the teacup served to him, staring down at the dark liquid – how long has it been since he’s eaten or drank something? Did he even like Tea?

He silently sips at it and makes a slight face – No, no he didn’t like it.

Gaster, satisfied with this discovery, looks up at the others realizing with alarm that everyone’s eyes are on him, silently watching and scrutinizing him.

Strategically he quickly looks back down at his tea, considering if he should take another sip of the bitter liquid just to avoid filling in the silence.

“So…,” He nearly jumped when Undyne talked, “You’re… Sans and Papyrus’s pops, huh?”

Papyrus noticeably tenses, Gaster gulps, “yes… yes that’s right.”

“ARE YOU,” Gaster meets Papyrus’s earnest and hopeful gaze, “SURE?”

Gaster’s eyes soften, Papyrus voice sounds uncertain to believe his words, as if it’s all just going to be a joke in the end – it pains his heart that he left his children on their own for who knows _how_ long, “Yes, I am,” he sets the teacup down. Briefly, he’s glad he doesn’t have to force himself to drink more, “My memories are frazzled, sure, but I don’t exactly have amnesia. There are certain things I remember more clearly than others and the little that I have may be vague but it gives me enough basic information.”

“Ok,” Papyrus nods, slowly, as if processing the information,” And your name is Gaster?”

He smiles, softly, and nods, “Yes, nice to meet you Papyrus.”

Papyrus’s face brightens up, “YES! NICE TO MEET YOU TOO! I CAN’T WAIT TO GET TO KNOW MY OWN FATHER, WOWIE!”

It surprises Gaster, at how open Papyrus is to him – it almost makes him want to cry from relief, “Me too, Papyrus.”

 “Also…,” Papyrus, pauses, his voice subduing once again and his face was confusingly unreadable, “You said you can remember _some_ things…right? Do you know why Sans seems to… be angry at you?”

“I…,” Gaster bites his lips, feeling the weight of eyes on him, nervously he stares at his fidgeting hands, “Vague is a rather broad term I used. I don’t know at all why Sans is angry at me, but I do feel _guilty_ , I’m just not sure _why_ I do.”

Papyrus slowly nods, his eyes unmoving from Gaster – and for a moment he feels the weight of those eyes reading him and tearing him apart – but it was over right when it happened, as if he had imagined it.

“I UNDERSTAND! DO NOT WORRY FATHER, FOR SANS WILL FORGIVE YOU! AND… WHEN YOU DO GAIN YOUR MEMORIES BACK, IF IT WERE TO EVER HAPPEN, JUST KNOW I WILL ACCEPT YOU WITH OPEN ARMS!.”

Shaking his head, Gaster smiles, feeling a little thrown off, “Thank you…”

“Dr. Gaster,” He nearly jumps at the voice, he nearly forgot Asgore was sitting right next to him, “Can you explain where you went, and why I didn’t even question about your whereabouts?”

Gaster bit his lip, contemplating his response – he didn’t particularly want to reveal _too_ much of what happened to him, more because he wasn’t even sure himself, it just wasn’t a comfortable thing to share when you know nearly nothing about it but the mere concept.

 “Well, there was an experiment I was working on--,” he decided not to share that perhaps someone had intended to dust him, “—something happened, I can’t remember, but it backfired and I was sent… somewhere quite horrible,” He shuddered, feeling his SOUL accelerate at the mere thought of the Void, “I prefer not to talk about it. But it erased me from existence, long story short.”

“And how are you… back from that place?”

Gaster shook his head, “I don’t know, I just remember seeing this bright light and I followed it – I woke up in the lab…”

“WOWIE! DID YOU MAKE ANY FRIENDS?”

Awkwardly, Gaster smiled, unsure how to feel at Papyrus’s naiveté, “No, not really.”

“So?” Undyne quirked an unimpressed eyebrow, “How’d ya end up here? I doubt you were aware we were on the surface.”

“No…I was confused at how empty it was down there,” Gaster glanced down at the kid next to him, they smiled encouragingly, “I was really frazzled and out of it so I merely walked around – mostly to take things in – then I ran into Frisk.”

“Yes… I was quite shocked when they dragged you in here,” Toriel said, her face was carefully neutral, “I remembered you immediately when I saw you.”

Gaster gave Toriel a curious frown, “You did?” She failed to mention that to him until now – nervously he scratches at his chin.

Toriel nods, “Yes, you were the royal scientist – you were a dear friend to Asgore,” She smiles softly at him and he immediately feels his anxiety ease away, “And by extension you were mine as well, it was always pleasant to have you around.”

He felt his face warm up at that – her genuineness made him rather embarrassed, but he appreciated it – he really did.

“So I also agree with Papyrus, I think Sans will come around – you’re very sincere Doctor.”

“Yes,” Asgore laid a paw on his shoulder, it was heavy and comforting, “You will get through to him, you are not a bad monster.”

He nearly tears up, but he holds it down as he looks between the two Boss monsters, “T..thank you, really,” Perhaps they are right… with time Sans could forgive him… or at least tolerate him.

“I’m sure you’re tired, Dr. Gaster,” Toriel squints at the clock, “It’s only the evening but, perhaps we should take a break from… all this, and figure out where you’re going to live for now, yes?”

Papyrus jumps up from his seat, startling Gaster, “YES!!! YOU CAN LIVE WITH US FATHER! WE HAVE A GUEST BEDROOM!!”

Gaster wanted to immediately agree, just to become closer with his sons, but, “I don’t think right now would be the best time.”

Papyrus was about to respond when Toriel cut in, “Yes, perhaps it would be too much for Sans right now, I would not advise it, currently. But perhaps in the future?”

Papyrus closed his mouth, squinted in thought, before he nodded, “YES THAT IS TRUE! WE WOULDN’T WANT TO STRESS OUT THAT LAZYBONES!” Papyrus scratches at his chin, “AS A MATTER OF FACT, I SHOULD GO CHECK ON HIM! I HOPE YOU DO NOT MIND THAT, FATHER!”

“Oh,” Gaster shakes his head, “Of course not, please do make sure he’s okay.”

Papyrus smiles warmly at him, “YOU ARE VERY KIND!”

Gaster awkwardly smiles, he’s unsure if that’s true… somewhere deep in his gut, tells him otherwise – but he actively ignores it, “Thank you, Papyrus.”

Papyrus leans across the table with his arm outstretched, “IT WAS A PLEASURE FINALLY MEETING YOU FATHER.”

The other skeleton smile was warm and welcoming, full of excitement of what was to come – Gaster smiled back, he hoped it was equally warm, “Yes,” he got up and stretched out his hand to meet Papyrus’s giving it a small shake, “You too, my son.”

Papyrus’s smile widens to a billion Watts, and suddenly Gaster is wrapped in skeletal arms, practically being carried over the table by Papyrus – Gasters legs slightly hit the table before he was dangling in midair – goodness was Papyrus tall.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around Papyrus, before laughing slightly – feeling warm and complete, “Wow! You’re quite strong.”

Papyrus put Gaster down gently before striking a confident pose, “OF COURSE! NOTHING LESS FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS! NYEHEHE!” Papyrus subdues his bright expression to a gentle one, “WELL, I MUST DEPART, I SHALL SEE YOU TOMORROW – FATHER.”

Gaster nods, a sad smile, “Yes, please do, I wish to catch up with you more.”

“AS DO I!” Papyrus gives him one last squeezing hug before he suddenly sprints towards the exit, he almost swore he saw a gust of dust follow him.

“Wow.”

Toriel laughs, “Yes, Papyrus is quite something, always so full of energy and very optimistic.”

He automatically smiles widely, “I’m so glad…”

“It must be a lot, to see your children as adults.”

Gaster looks at Toriel, her face held a sad smile – her eyes looked distant as if seeing something else.

Suddenly he remembers about Chara and Asriel and his SOUL pangs in pain for the Queen and King.

He’s gifted with this chance to be with his sons again, it would be foolish to waste it.

\--

Papyrus had a lot to think about on his way home.

It is not that he doesn’t trust Gaster! But he can’t help but be a little weary. For starters, how Sans had reacted to the monster, it had been very negative. Papyrus had never seen Sans angry _ever_ – Sure, he had seen him upset, sad, annoyed – but **_angry_**? Angry enough that he seemed down right, dare he say, ready to _dust_ Gaster?

It had confused Papyrus to see Sans in such a state – he could sense the intent heavily on Sans – The Sans who holds his cards so close to his chest had let them sense his _intent_.

Intent was everything to a monster, either you are open with your intent or you’re private with it– Papyrus himself was quite open for example!

Sans, on the other hand, rarely shows his intent – his brother is a very private person after all.

However, despite seeing such a new side of Sans – he knows his brother is a good person, he knows that he would _never_ be angry at someone like that without good reason.

Which brings in the dream he had.

Papyrus hadn’t forgotten about it – he’d known right when he saw Gaster that he was the man in his dream. He remembers feeling a sort of dread and fear regarding Gaster in the dream, a strange sort of anxiety he rarely experiences.

It confuses him a lot, because Gaster is such a sincere monster! His fear had immediately disappeared when he talked to him however.

And it was weird – referring the monster as his father. He never really thought about where he came from – if he had parents, who they were – he always had Sans and that had been enough for him, so it never crossed his mind.

But now _knowing_ that he has a parental figure… well! He can’t say he isn’t excited to have one! It was strange and it still feels he’s in this weird dream. Papyrus _wants_ to have a father, a feeling he never knew of until now!

He blinks when his home comes into view, his slow strides stopping before the front door.

But, he can’t be blind to the way Sans reacted so negatively to him or the holes in his memories where Gaster should be – or, or that Sans had possibly _known_ but had never told him.

If Papyrus hadn’t known better, he’d say Sans was also experiencing memory loss of their father, but Sans had _known_ about who the monster was in his dream.

Sans had known just by the simplest details.

He’s sure his brother has his reasons, don’t get him wrong! But its alarming since, personally, he feels it’s quite an important detail Papyrus should know about He isn’t angry; he is just confused!

He unlocks the house door and goes in, the warmth of their home hitting his bones pleasantly.

He looks down the hall to where his brother’s room is, unsure if confronting Sans right now is a good idea, but Papyrus is quite sure Sans will avoid talking about it… best do it now than later.

Noticing himself slumping, his straightens his back immediately—there is no time to feel so exhausted! It is only the evening after all!

Nodding to himself he strides over to Sans door, and gives it a brisk but soft knock, “SANS? I AM HOME! MAY I COME IN?”

He waits with slight anxiety for an answer, his nonexistent ear pressed to the door. Papyrus nearly misses the soft ‘yeah’ from the other side but it prompts him to quickly open the door – taking in the usual messiness of Sans’s room before his gaze swivels to where his brother was hiding beneath many layers of blankets.

Concern flares up in his SOUL – brief memories of the past filter through his mind of similar situations, a time where Sans did nothing else other than hide in his room and sleep the day away.

It briefly scares him, because it had been so long since… he’d seen Sans in such a mood, he had nearly forgotten of the days when Sans always looked so _sad_. It was such a long process, for Sans to be more active and social, he doesn’t want this event to degrade Sans’s process, not after his brother had worked so hard.

Softly, he walks to the edge of Sans bed and sits on it – the other hadn’t shifted an inch from his hiding spot – Papyrus frowns and softly pats a gloved hand on the lump known as his brother.

He hears Sans sigh in defeat before he unravels from underneath the layers, tentatively looking up at Papyrus with tired, numb eyes. Papyrus’s SOUL bangs with sympathy and worry – this had _dearly_ upset his brother…he couldn’t fathom what their… _father_ had done to prompt such a strong reaction from Sans.

“How are you feeling, Sans?”

Sans sits up and Papyrus withdraws his hand, waiting patiently as Sans gathers himself with a shaky breath – it doesn’t look like he was crying, Papyrus isn’t sure if that’s a good or bad thing.

“I’ve… calmed down,” Sans scratches the back of his neck as he sheepishly gives Papyrus a wider smile, “Sorry I left you like that bro… and that you saw me get so, uh, angry.”

Papyrus gave Sans a soft smile, “Please, I do not care about that – plus! I wasn’t alone – everyone was there! You are so silly brother!”

“heh… yeah I really am.”

Frowning, Papyrus softly patted Sans head, “Brother! You know I do not like pushing you, but I have never seen you so… upset before!” Shaking his head, Papyrus stared at Sans directly in the eyelights – expression serious, “So I must ask, what happened? What happened between you and… father?”

Sans gulps, looking away from the others stare, visibly anxious and nervous, “I…”

“And Sans,” Said monster jumps at Papyrus interrupting, “I am aware that the man in my dream was him, so please…. Do not try to hide this from me.”

Sans shakes his head, his bones nearly rattling from how anxious he was – how can he _ever_ tell Papyrus of the things Gaster has done – how could he ever --, “I just…,” he tries to keep his voice steady, his brain trying to come up with a lie – _anything_ , “He wasn’t a good dad, Paps, he…,” He closed his eye sockets, trying to block out the touches, the white cold hands, “He didn’t treat you right, always neglected you for his work – and at some point he just… _vanished_ ,” Not a complete a lie, he just… cut out a few important details.

Gulping Sans looks up at Papyrus, seeing the other mull this over in his head, reading him as best as he could, “Okay,” He nods, Sans almost lets out a relieved sigh, “Thank you for telling me Sans.”

Sans nearly winces from the guilt but he just nods, wanting this conversation to be over so he can just sleep.

“I want you to know that,” Papyrus says, his sockets DETERMINED, “That Father hadn’t abandoned us! He told us that an experiment backfired on him, which sent him to this other place!” He explains confidently, before morphing into slight confusion, “WHICH I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, BUT HE MADE NO FRIENDS – IT MUST HAVE BEEN LONELY!”

Sans flinched, which Papyrus fortunately didn’t catch, “doesn’t he have amnesia?”

“NO! HE SAYS SOME EVENTS ARE JUST NOT CLEAR!”

“ah,” he stares at the white of his blankets, “I see.”

“AND BROTHER… I want you to please consider giving him a chance.”

Sans looked at Papyrus, wide eyed, his stomach churning at even _thinking_ \-- “bro…,” he can’t say he’s surprised, of course Papyrus would suggest such a thing.

“He’s… very sincere,” Papyrus softly regards Sans, as if talking to a frightened animal, “However he was in the past, I can assure you he’s different now.”

Sans doesn’t respond, doesn’t _know_ how to respond – he doesn’t want to refuse Papyrus, but he… he can’t stomach agreeing to this.

Papyrus seemed to read him, “Give it some thought yes?”

Sans watches as Papyrus gets up and stretches before regarding him again, “NOW BROTHER, IT IS STILL THE EVENING SO I HAVE CHORES TO ATTEND TO!”

“right, thanks for checking up on me.”

“OF COURSE!” Papyrus strides to the door, opening it slightly, before turning back to Sans, “and… Sans? Please do not be afraid to talk to me… I’m sure you’re aware I’m always here for you – if you need anything just tell me.”

Sans felt a mixture of warmth and disgusting guilt – why did he always lie to Papyrus like this, why did he always push him away, “thanks bro,” he tries a small smile, trying not to cry as Papyrus smiles back brightly and leaves his room – closing the door with a great amount of gentleness.

He almost wants to reach out and tell him, to scream of the pain that man caused him – but he chokes up at the idea, how can he put Papyrus through that? It’s hard to miss the hopefulness beneath those sockets, Papyrus wants a parent figure – God he’s never really had one, all he had was Sans and he was shit at raising Papyrus. He never takes care of Papyrus like he should, its always Papyrus taking care of _him_. Because he’s a useless sack of bones.

He curls up in a ball, conflicted with himself – Why was he so weak? Why can’t he be normal… strong – why must his whole mental state break down over something like this?

What is he supposed to do? Actually let Gaster back in his life? God… no, just so he can get hurt again? Just so he can drag Papyrus around like he’s nothing, just so he can degrade them into _things_ again? He can’t let him near Papyrus… he _can’t_ let Gaster walk away with all he’s done.

Sans eye flickers, _blue yellow blue –_

Gaster can’t remain alive.

\--

_He looks down at the mass of shaking bones, before he looks down at his own hands, it’s fascinating – what a simple action can do, it’s so simple yet so complicated, how much you can hurt someone and how that someone reacts to it._

_He takes in the way Sans looks up at him (afraid, scared, **hurt** )_

_He reminds himself that they’re experiments, things, they aren’t his sons anymore, this shouldn’t matter._

_Gaster tries to still his shaking hands._

..

.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i need to work on being able to come up with explanations for things. but i just really wanted to get this chapter out lol.  
> also the 'intent' stuff was just a impulsive thing i put in, i have no idea lmao. sorry again for the long wait, had a lot of adult stuff to do and im very stressed out.
> 
> i know this chapter is p boring but i hope u still enjoyed.  
> and ty to ppl who were asking me about this fic on my tumblr, i really didn't think ppl would care much for this fic so it rlly did surprise me. \o


	4. Settling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's fine.

 

“I hope you do not mind sleeping here for a while.”

Gaster looks from Toriel to the room he’s staying in. It’s rather plain and unlived in, with a twin sized bed to the side and a wooden dresser next to it and not much else, “Of course I don’t, and more than anything I’m grateful.”

Toriel smiles, “I’m glad, many like to sleep over so it’s nice to have a guest bedroom.”

“I see,” He steps and stops in front of the only window in the room, once again feeling awed at the light coming from the Sun and just how _green_ everything was. It was surreal.

Gaster remembers the feeling of bearing heavy responsibilities as the royal scientist. Those old ambitions still reside heavily in his skull; it is one of the things, other than his children, that he can remember clearly. His drive to get monsterkind to the surface had been strong, and he’d remember thinking he’d do _anything_ to get to his goal. In a way, he feels pride at seeing monsters on the surface – though he’s sure he didn’t have on ounce of responsibility for it – it is nice knowing he at least partook and participated for the end goal.

“It’s such a nice view, isn’t it?”

Toriel’s voice causes him to jump, having been too caught up with his thoughts. He relaxes and looks back out the window, “Yes… it really is.”

 “It’s been years but I still get so starstruck by how warm and bright the Sun is.”

Gaster is immediately perplexed and curious, “Years…?”

“Oh, yes!” Toriel smiles down at Gaster, “It has been around 10 years since we’ve been on the surface.”

He frowns, his gaze unfocused on the white of the wall. He had assumed monsterkind migrating to the surface had been fairly recent, and thinking that perhaps that’s what enabled him to somehow leave the Void – but… if it has been years… it would make no sense, right? What had caused him to appear now of all such times? Not a single guess or explanation enters his mind. Perhaps he should just leave it alone and be grateful, but the nagging at the back of his head won’t let him.

“Dr. Gaster…?”

He blinks and looks up at Toriel’s concerned smile, “Ah, yes, sorry. Did you say something?”

Toriel shakes her head, “No, you just suddenly zoned out,” She tilts her head, “Are you OK?”

“Yes,” He gives her a small smile, “Just… a lot on my mind.”

“I can imagine…,” She looks down at his clothes, slightly rugged and worn but in general still presentable, “You’re probably going to need a few things, hm?”

“Ah… yes, if it is no bother.”

“Of course not,” Toriel claps her hands together, her smile wide, “We can talk about this more later, for now, let’s get some food in you!”

“Thank you again, Toriel.”

She gives him a soft pat on the shoulder as she moves to leave, “My home is your home, doctor, feel free to look around.”

He watches her leave the room, standing there awkwardly at first, before he slowly followed Toriel to the kitchen and spent the rest of the evening catching up with the Queen and this new big world.

\----

\--

Yesterday had felt nothing but a surreal and horrible dream. But when Sans woke up after dreaming about nothing but black and static noise, he knew what happened was real.

He looks at the time and visibly flinched – _1:40pm_ – he was supposed to be at work _hours_ ago. His alarm clock didn’t seem to wake him, and surprisingly Papyrus didn’t force him to get up. Perhaps… it was because of yesterday.

That didn’t make him feel any better.

Feeling strangely outside his body, he sluggishly got up to the washroom, staring at his reflection without exactly focusing in on himself.

welp, Sans the Murderer, whats on the agenda today?

“Sans?”

Said skeleton jumps, not expecting Papyrus to be home. Isn’t he supposed to be at work?

He doesn’t move an inch when Papyrus’s head pops into the bathroom. Sans could see his brothers painfully obvious concern in the mirror, he did his best to give the other a smile.

“hey paps, what happened with work?”

He walks further into the bathroom, standing behind him as he nervously fidgets with his gloves, Sans stares at him from the mirror and feels achingly guilty.

“WELL, SOMETIMES BREAKS ARE NEEDED! DON’T WORRY I CALLED YOUR JOB AND TOLD THEM THERE WAS A FAMILY EMERGENCY.  I DECIDED TO STAY HOME AS WELL! I HOPE THAT IS OKAY?”

Sans sockets soften, “yeah, thanks pap. ya’ always know what i need.”

“IT IS NO PROBLEM, BROTHER,” Papyrus flashes him with a bright smile and Sans thinks about investing in some sun glasses, “SO, HOW ARE YOU FEELING?”

Sans can see Papyrus visibly deflating in anticipation of the answer so Sans turns around and tries to brighten his grin, he prays to Asgore it’s enough, “feelin’ better, paps,” Papyrus remains tense and worried, because Sans is untrustworthy and a dirty liar.

Sighing, he looks back at his reflecting, realizing the tension in his shoulders and his strained grin – wow he needs to get it together, “i’ve thought about what you said.”

Papyrus perks up, his sockets curious and hopeful.

He takes a deep breath, this is painful to say – but it’s required to get close to Gaster, to know his intentions, to make a plan, “i’ll give him a chance.”

“R-really?” Papyrus says, surprised, perhaps because he had expected Sans to take a couple of days or even more. Realistically, it should’ve.

“y-yeah,” Sans looks down, gulping down his anxiety, “but that just means i’ll tolerate him, ok? nothing more.”

“SANS!!!” Papyrus picks Sans up from under the arms and gives him a crushing hug, the smaller skeleton was surprised at first but returned it, not one to reject a hug from his brother, “THIS IS GREAT NEWS!!!”

He isn’t let go, instead he’s carried out into the living room and plopped into a chair, “THIS CALLS FOR MY SPECIAL SPAGHETTI!! ONLY MEANT FOR THE MOST SPECIAL OF OCCASSIONS. THE SPAGHETTI SPECIAL!”

Sans smiles half-heartedly, “sounds _tortelli_ great paps.”

“OH MY GOD SANS.”

Sans smiles, giving himself a mental pat on the back for the pun, at least he can still muster up enough strength to _try_ and act normal -- even though he can feel the sick _dread_ and anxiety scratching at his SOUL.

It was just one more thing, another obstacle, but how many more will there be until he gets a break? How many more times does he have to kill and obstruct his morals to gain happiness? To protect his brother?

It was weighing, it was tiring. He isn’t sure how he’s even still able to function currently. He watches Papyrus humming around the kitchen, his brain feeling like static from over-thinking so much.

“ – AND PERHAPS AFTER WE COULD GO TO THAT RATHER COLORFUL PLACE – A CAFÉ IT WAS, CORRECT? – AND THEN!—“

But there is that underlying thought – that perhaps Gaster has changed, that he’s completely different now… does that mean Sans should just leave him be? He isn’t sure. He isn’t even sure if he can breathe the same air as Gaster without lashing out, the thought of Gaster _staying_ alive made him feel sick.

“—SANS! –“

Either way, the outcome won’t really end in his favor. Sans has the option to kill Gaster or keep him alive, both have heavy cons that outweigh the pros…

“SANS!”

Sans jolted, now noticing Papyrus looking over at him in concern, “whats up?”

“I’VE BEEN TALKING TO YOU! HAVE YOU NOT BEEN LISTENING?”

Sans shrugged, slumping in his seat, “of course i’ve been, everything sounds _rad_ iatori. lookin’ forward to it.”

“I-WHA-!” Papyrus looks incredibly peeved, “THAT WAS A STRETCH AND YOU KNOW IT ! THE STRETCHIEST TO END ALL STRETCHES!”

Sans chuckles, “What can I say? I’m running out of jokes.”

Papyrus squints, “I CAN TELL.”

Sans gives another small chuckle, before he hears a familiar knock from the door. He tenses as Papyrus energetically goes to answer it – the door is out of view but he can hear Toriel’s soft voice underneath Papyrus’s loud greeting.

Sans cringes, not exactly ready for Tori to confront him yet. It is no surprise and he had expected it, but he hoped she’d wait another day at least. He slumps into his seat with dread.

“THE QU—I MEAN MISS TORI IS HERE, SANS!!!”

He sits up as Papyrus pops back into the dining room, with Toriel right behind him – she immediately looks over at Sans, her smile gentle and concerned.

She places a container on the table, from the smell he can tell it’s her blueberry muffins, “hey Tori.”

He awkwardly shies away as Toriel sits down next to him; her sincere expression makes feel very, very vulnerable.

“Hello Sans, how are you?”

With his eyelights still darted away, he gulps, “i’m goating along fine, what’s up?”

She giggles slightly, but not as much as usual, which makes him tense, “I hope you don’t mind but… I just want to discuss with you what happened back there with your father.”

Sans cringes, “what is there to talk about?”

She puts a paw on his shoulder, forcing him to make eye contact with her, “Sans…what happened?”

Feeling a little cornered he automatically looks for Papyrus, he’s at the kitchen archway examining them both silently – and he nods encouragingly at Sans to continue.

Sans sighs, his eyelights flickering to the ceiling to gather his thoughts before he shifts them to Toriel, “i may have overreacted, it’s not that big of a deal.”

Tori’s gaze still lingers on Sans, she didn’t quite believe him, “And what prompted that reaction exactly?”

He darts his eyelights away, “it’s… a little personal. i’ve talked about it with papyrus already.”

Toriel looks at Papyrus for conformation, who nodded, “INDEED HE DID!” he paused, before adding (to Sans immense dread), “AND I WAS TOLD HE’D GIVE GASTER ANOTHER CHANCE!”

Toriel looks back at Sans with disbelief, and it took all of his willpower not to flinch under that gaze. She seemed unsure and worried.

 “oh yeah, forgot about that,” He shrugs it off casually under her caring gaze, blazing and intense.

“Sans,” She puts a paw on his shoulder again, so he looks up at her, “If you still need time… there is no problem with doing so.”

He pauses, taking her words in. Yeah, but there isn’t any time for that is there? He can’t sit here and _wait_ while Gaster was out there doing god-knows-what. Gaster is a manipulative and calculating man, charming and always a step ahead. If this state of Gaster is true, if he really did lose his memories, then Sans needs to take advantage of it – before Gaster becomes… well _Gaster._

“na tori, it’s okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“absolutely,” No, not really, but it’s fine – he has a plan, right? A slight advantage, that can be everything at a time like this. Gaster is weak and vulnerable, Sans can use that. It’s not okay but its fine, it’s absolutely fine. He can do this.

“Ok,” Toriel nods, giving Sans a serious look, “Then, tomorrow, please come over and discuss things with your father – yes?”

Sans takes a deep breath, “yeah,” He looks at Papyrus, his eyes shining and brimming with hope, “sounds like a plan.”

\--

-

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o shit waddup


	5. Goodnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was for the best.

 

It’s been a week of absolute shit, in Sans humble opinion.

He had indeed gone to give Gaster a brief apology. Gaster, in turn, apologized and gave this whole bullshit spiel of hoping everything can be put behind them and all that nonsense. Sans didn’t really listen, just zoning out and nodding in vague agreement to whatever was said. Papyrus was overjoyed, everyone else seemed rather unsure, and Sans felt irritated and tired.

After that, he was forced to be ‘friendly’ with Gaster, as friendly as Sans can get anyways. Gaster constantly tried to force some sort of connection between them, always asking Sans questions and talking to him every chance he got and Sans had always put no effort into their conversation, giving brief short responses.

Sans had done his best not to get irritated or snippy with the other, but he had his moments, and it always came down to his friends looking concerned and him having to step out to calm down.

And now, he’s carrying a box full of things, it was heavy for his short structure. He hadn’t slept, he’s been having nightmare after nightmare, he’s grumpy and _today_ is the day Gaster is moving in with him and Papyrus.

He should’ve known this would’ve happened.

Papyrus had come up to him, wide eyed and hesitant, asking if Gaster could move into their extra room. Sans had refused the idea at first, but Papyrus looked crestfallen and guilty. So he sighed, long and hard, and agreed. How could he say no when his bro looked like that?

So here he was, putting the last box of stuff into Gaster’s new room. Which isn’t a lot, but the others had salvaged some of his stuff from the old lab and Toriel had gotten him some new clothes. In total it was 7 boxes along with the new furniture. Sans had only really carried 5 boxes and Papyrus had done the rest. But with his weak structure and rather poor health, it had taken a lot out of him.

Sans stares as Gaster rips the tape off from one of the boxes while Papyrus is a series of fast excited words, talking about the stuff they could do together as a family. He’s zoned out of it all; staring around the small room Gaster is staying it.

The room was meant to be for office purposes (Though they used it for random junk) so it had a weird uneven shape to it, but it can fit a bed and a dresser, they even were able to fit in a desk. Fortunately there was already a coat closet implemented into the room as well.

It’s a shame they had done all this work for nothing, his eyesight’s swivel back to Gaster, he’s not letting the other stay here for long.

Gaster catches Sans stare and flashes him with a nervous smile, Sans merely turns away and regards Papyrus, “we still got that left over spaghetti?”

Papyrus takes his time to think for a moment, a gloved hand rubbing at his chin, “YES… YES WE DO!” He seemed excited about this, looking super proud for remembering.

Sans smiles, “heh, thanks bro,” He looks back at Gaster, trying his best to remain friendly, “ya’ want some?”

“Oh-!” Gaster seems flustered, not expecting to be addressed, and he flounders before he responds, “Y-yes! Yes, that’d be lovely!”

Sans nods, “paps?”

“YES, PLEASE! WHAT A GENEROUS OFFER.”

Sans shrugs nonchalantly and turns to go to the kitchen, he ignores the wide eyed stare Gaster is sending his way. He doesn’t really acknowledge Gaster’s existence much, after all.

He opens up the fridge, breathing deeply, steadying his soul. Grabbing a container filled with noodles and another with marinara sauce, he proceeds to load three plates with spaghetti, putting a decent amount of sauce and blasting them all in the microwave. Then he takes out a small glass bottle from his hoodies pocket, filled with a pale yellow magic, and adds small drops to two of the plates – leaving one uncontaminated.

The magic is harmless; it just puts you to sleep.

He mentally says a brief apology to Papyrus before he put the bottle back into his pocket and carries the plates to the dining table. Setting them down, he strains his nonexistent ears to hear the chattering of Papyrus from Gaster’s room.

Ok. He can do this.

The short skeleton calls for them from the living room and he hears an affirmative from Papyrus before he hears the creaking of footsteps. He wills everything about him to look relaxed and casual, to be as normal as possible.

 “—It’s quite fascinating how much things have changed--!”

“—IT’S REALLY NOT THAT DIFFERENT! FOR EXAMPLE—“

He takes the seat with the untainted spaghetti, staring at the deep red of the marinara sauce before his gaze goes back to his brother and his never ending nightmare, “bone appetite” he winks.

It cuts off the conversation the two were having, Gaster snorts in surprise while Papyrus looks offended.

“UGH, AND HERE I WAS ABOUT TO ENJOY THIS PREMIUM SPAGHETTI! ONLY TO BE RUINED BY YOUR HURROUNDES WORD PLAY!”

“aw c’mon bro, your spaghetti is enjoyable no matter what.”

“NYEH!” Papyrus sits down, grabbing a fork, “YOU’RE RIGHT!”

Gaster follows Papyrus’s example, he gives Sans a delicate smile, the smaller skeleton tries hard not to glare, “Thank you, Sans.”

Sans shrugs, taking a bite out of his own plate, “I just reheated it, Papyrus cooked it.”

“Still,” Gaster looks down at his own food, still smiling, and Sans watches carefully as Gaster rolls up the noodles and takes a bite out of it, “Wow! This is amazing Papyrus!”

Papyrus beams at the compliment, “NYEH-HEH! OF COURSE!”

Sans impatiently waits, continuing to take small bites, quiet as the other two continue with conversation after conversation. It’s strange, how easy the two could talk, he’d always seen the two as opposites. Papyrus a light, warm and positive while Gaster was cold, calculative and logical. And yet, they are able to hold hours and hours of talking – as if they were old time friends.

It made Sans sick in more ways than one.

Sans is going to have to take this away from Papyrus. He’s going to break his brothers’ fragile heart with his own two bony hands.

The plan he has, it’s rushed and has so many illogical loose ends. It’s uncharacteristic of him, but he is _tired_ (and scared). Now that Gaster was under the same roof as the two of them – Gaster’s memories can come back, he can manipulate Sans and Papyrus, he can hurt them _all over again_.

Sans hears Papyrus yawn, his frazzled brain stopping the irrational and spiraling thoughts to take a look at his brother, he looks drowsy, “you tired paps?” he quirks an eyebrow, to look surprised.

Papyrus blinks sluggishly, trying to focus, he seems perplexed at how tired he felt, “INDEED I AM! PERHAPS I DIDN’T REALIZE UNTIL NOW!”

Gaster rubs at his eyes as well, confused, and stares at the spaghetti in suspicion – Sans starts to feel anxiety bubbling up, “Me too.”

“HUH!” Papyrus takes one last bite of spaghetti, Sans watches him take all their somewhat empty plates to the sink, “IT _HAS_ BEEN A LONG DAY,” Papyrus glances at a clock in the kitchen wall, “AND IT IS CLOSE TO BEDTIME, WOWIE, I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE!”

Gaster considers the clock as well, his eyes dropping in exhaustion, “Time passes when you’re having fun, perhaps we should turn in early?” His eyelight’s turn to Sans and he cant help but feel the other see through him, “What about you Sans?”

Forcing himself to relax his posture, Sans shrugs, “im always tired,” he winks, “and i always turn in early.”

 “UGH, FATHER, PREPARE TO LIVE WITH THE MOST LAZIEST OF MONSTERS! ALL HE DOES IS SLEEP!”

Gaster gives him a look of genuine concern, but he doesn’t pursue it, mindful of Sans temper around him, “Well that is an example I’d like to follow currently,” Gaster gets up from his seat, he wobbles at first, looking perplexed at his feet, “My goodness, I’m exhausted.”

With that they all went to their respective rooms. Gaster yawning and wobbly, Papyrus was too tired for even his routine storybook, and Sans way too wide awake as he teleports to his room.

Then Sans just waited for 30 minutes, staring at his basic digital clock, the numbers counting up – red and bright – re-thinking and re-analyzing what he was about to do, keeping it strictly to the plan and less to the emotional turmoil he’s trying to ignore.

He hopes this plan ends okay, its rather simple and it isn’t thought out. The reasons he has planned can look weird and out of place, but it’s all he has currently. If it all goes to plan, this will just be an old bitter memory, of a father and an old friend abandoning his responsibilities.

But if any monster starts to suspect something off, which Sans is sure is to happen,  he’s confident he’ll get figured out – Which, in all honesty, he doesn’t care if it happens. Let his friends hate him, let Papyrus think he betrayed him, he’ll handle it. It doesn’t matter.

At least that’s what he keeps telling himself.

With a steady breath, he teleports to Gasters’ room whose softly snoring under many layers of fluffy blankets. It’s weird still, seeing Gaster so… _domestic_ , with his sheepish smiles and wide eye sockets – compared to the familiar cold smile and tired eyes.

“gaster?” he calls, approaching the bed. Just to make sure, he gives the other a rather harsh shove, Gaster doesn’t even shift.

Sans takes a moment, to stare at the peacefulness of Gasters’ face, he thinks about Papyrus’ happy eyelights – of the _hope_ and _excitement_ in his brothers sockets – he thinks of how _different_ Gaster is.

But then he reminds himself of the pain, the neglectful abuse against Papyrus – the way he always treated him like he was _nothing_ like he was an _idiot_. And then he thinks of the numerous invisible scars he left on Sans.

Sans clenches his hands to stop their shaking and swiftly grabs Gasters arm and teleports without hesitation. The softness of blankets and a homey atmosphere leaves them, and they are left with humid air and the darkness of the Underground – off limits and abandoned.

They’re on the edge of a cliff, a waterfall splashing down into the darkest pits of the underground, he can feel the bits of water splashing on the damp stone and splashing droplets onto his bony legs. He looks down, with Gasters’ arm still clutched in his hand, still snoring away on the cold wet stone.

Sans uses magic to raise Gasters’ sleeping form in front of him, the endless pit under the prone figure, he takes one last look at the man who used to be his hell – his nightmares – and then, with one final glare, he releases his magic and lets the other _drop._

He ignores the uneasy guilt and turns away, not looking as Gasters’ body splashes into water, not looking as his tormentors’ body crashes hard into roaring waters, and he teleports away as Gasters’ dust becomes one with the flowing water.

\--

-

-

(Sans has dreams of accusing eyes and hurt orange eyelights.)

-

-

\--

The next day Papyrus enters Gasters’ room, it’s empty and drawers were left open in a messy manner. He picks up the note left on the desk he fondly picked out for his newly discovered Father. The papers stiff and an off white, black ink is scrawled methodically, letters neat and tidy.

It spoke of an apology and a goodbye.

\--

-

-

Ř̗̖̗͕̭̻̝̦͐͊Ë̖̬̜̭̖̹̇͆ͮ̚S̨͉̠͓̥̠̟͎̹͂͆̊̈́̈̓͠Ę̟̼̯͚̰̠̗̔ͣ̄ͣ̓͠T̡͓̮́̑ͣ̓͋ͩ͋?̩͓̞͕̻̠͋ͬ̇̇̎̂͆

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kept forgetting to say but, on my profile i try to update the status of my stories and I have my tumblr links there as well (sfw and nsfw) I prefer if you asked my nsfw blog if u have any questions concerning the story :)
> 
> hopefully this chapter doesnt seem so rushed. im still new to this whole writing thing.


	6. Refresh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is he even surprised anymore?

White specs of particles shift, shaping and reshaping.

_He feels his shift in gravity plummeting, eyelights snapping open, the comfort of sleep fading away into blinding horror – his hands reach for the retreating figure, familiar white skull and a recognizable signature hoodie_.

It’s pitch black, but gradients into a perfect white, the feeling of emptiness reminds him of the void.

_He feels the slap of the water take down a chunk of his hp, the rest is chipped away by debris and rocks, he tries hard to grasp at his magic – but he’s still so tired._

Strangely he’s already standing up and its slightly disorienting, the white specs of particles shift around him, and he stares in fascination.

_It occurs to him that he’d been **drugged** while he’s taken further down into the rabid stream of water, he can’t breath and he can’t tell what’s up or down – it didn’t matter anyways, because all he can focus on was **why.**_

It’s strangely tranquil and _too_ quiet, like noise didn’t exist here.

_Perhaps he should have known, Sans had been way too quick to co-exist with him, too friendly when he’d moved in, less glares and less jibes._

The particles finally seemed to take shape, it keeps fizzing out but it flickers back to a small figure – it looks either monster or human, the shape still indistinguishable and incomplete.

_His head gets bashed into a spike of rocks and a memory crisps over him clearly, his hp at 4 –_

He cautiously walks to the figure and tries to touch it, but once he does the particles become solid and a small hand grabs his arm – alarmed, he tries to back away, but the grip is strong.

_\-- He sees Sans, his back turned, Gasters’ hands are trapped – spikey bones pinning them into place. He’s screaming, for his son to let him go – to let him out, but Sans’ back remains as it is. Gaster remembers feeling a terrifying acceptance as the machine wurrs to life, he tugged at his trapped hands one last time, before he feels the searing blinding pain of being ripped apart by time and space._

_The water chokes him and chills his marrow, gasping as his vision blanks, hp ticking to zero – he spends his last breath feeling **betrayed** before he collapses into dust._

The figure giggles and that’s when the fog in Gasters’ head clears – he blinked once and then twice, the cotton in his head dissipating enough for him to figure out what he sees in front of him.

“Chara?” Gaster says it without thinking, the name sat heavy on his tongue.

Chara smiles wide, the colors of their form washed out with an array of dreary grays, out of place and _different_ , their skin was even a soft gray – border lining on white.  The edges of their figure keep glitching out and it’s remarkably disturbing, as if his brain can’t comprehend what it’s seeing. Their eye’s however is what truly stands out, Stark red – chilling and deranged – the color so vivid in contrast to their washed out colors.

“Well, hello there.”

 “But you’re – and I should be,” Gaster backs away. Chara’s grip goes lax, letting him go.

“Yes, I’m dead and so are you.”

Gasters rubs a hand on the side of skull, his head whirling and feeling out of depth – as if he was stuck between being real and being a dream. He has so many questions and concerns, but he could only manage asking with a croak, “Where are we?”

 “A place between reality and the void,” The response casual, it almost makes Gaster think _he_ was the one that was strange, “And _boy_ am I glad you’re here,” they wave a flickering arm, producing text out of thin air. Gaster stares at it, the text strikingly clear and much more _real_ than anything else in this place, “Because I brought you out of the void for a reason.”

“You…?” Gaster gets flashes to the blinding white light so warm and bright against the dark empty void –

“That was me,” They confirm, smile widening, splitting their face, “You’re welcome.”

“Why…?” The intentions of the other radiates heavily, the text between them feels like its drawing him in – calling to him, “For what purpose?”

Chara shrugs, “I can’t do much,” They sigh as if it was mildly inconvenient, “I just sit here and watch, blocked out by Frisk,” Right, that was the kid who found him, “I just wanted to stir the pot a little, you know? It was getting boring.”

“What are you talking about?”

Chara laughs, it’s cold and empty, “The power to reset,” Gaster’s breath leaves him – a memory flashing through his mind, as if he was actively still living in it. It was one of his many projects; humans who had gone fallen into the underground all shared a strange phenomenon of manipulating time and space – being able to bend it to their will through the sheer power of their human souls. The problem however, was that their souls easily brittled and decayed with each small use of the power – never strong enough to last in a battle with Asgore.

“—A power I and Frisk used to own – but now _you_ have it.”

Gaster breathes out, the child not noticing the other’s predicament, “Me…?”

The child’s expression becomes alarmingly deranged, pupils shrank and smile nearly splitting their face in half – Gaster realizes then that Chara’s soul had decayed as well, “You’re still part of the void, you left but it never left you,” Strangely, that didn’t surprise him, “Someone existing, suddenly existing? It favors you!”

It all clicks easily in Gaster’s head, his sockets widening in realization, “So you expect… me to make things _interesting_ for you?” This excited them, smile growing, only proving Gaster right, “…There’s something wrong with your plan.”

Chara deflates, tilting their head, “What?”

“What makes you think I’d _do_ anything?” He just wanted to live his life, “I wouldn’t… abuse such power,” What was Chara expecting out of him…?

Chara quickly regains their enthusiasm, eyes sparkling with mirth, “If you say so,” Their voice is light with underlying laughter, as if they knew something Gaster was not aware of, “I guess if you wish, you can remain here,” Outstretching their arms wide, they do a little twirl, the particles seemed to lag behind them – the movement too fast to keep Chara’s form whole, “But it’s pretty boring, might as well use your ability for emergencies – right?”

Gaster is mortified with the child in front of him, “What…. What happened to you?”

Chara’s face relaxes back to a smug smile, their eyes half lidded, “I just decided not to be held down by pointless emotions, what about you?”

“What do you mean?”

They shrug, “Just think about it,” The child sing songs, hands clasped behind their back – they nod towards the text between them, “Well?”

Gaster frowns as his attention is brought back to the text floating between them. Even though Chara’s intentions weren’t innocent and proceeding to reset would only play further into their hands, Gaster really despised the idea of letting himself be stuck like this. Call him selfish, but it would be illogical not to take advantage of this – he barely was able to get his second chance with his children.

He clenches his fist remembering why he was even in this predicament in the first place.

“Will anyone remember?”

Chara looks at him in thought, the look making Gaster hesitate, but it’s quickly overtaken with a sharp smirk, “Other than frisk? No-pe!”

Gaster reaches out a hand, phalanges brushing against the surface of the LOAD button, still hesitant and slightly anxious of what this could do – he was _manipulating_ time after all, who knows of the consequences? This power had decayed Souls, human Souls at that, what would it do to a weak monster like him?

“It’s okay, you feel it right?” Chara soothes, “It’s calling to you. It beats within you – like it did with me, ” It’s true. Gaster’s hand feels like it’s getting pulled towards the text, his bones throbbed and his head felt so _fuzzy_ , “The feeling is so _rushing_ and makes you feel so _alive._ ”

Gaster takes a deep breath, before finally pressing the button – it sends a weird tingle through him, his breath being knocked out of him, like he had been running a marathon – his Soul beating rapidly and his magic buzzed and _screamed_ at him – telling him both to stop but to keep _going_.

     | LOAD? |

 >|NO|  |YES|

   |NO| >|YES|

\--

-

It falls away, the darkness and the light, the split of Chara’s glitching grin and its replaced by a brown sturdy box and the smell of warmth and cinnamon. He has to blink numerous times for his sight to normalize, for his brain to process what had just _happened_. It feels like his breath his stolen – the sheer possibilities of what this could achieve and the many theories he had _proven_ in just this onc moment…it all makes his head spin.

Chara had said the human under Toriels care – Frisk – had the same abilities. But how had such an ability still carry over outside of the underground? He had thought the properties of the contained years of magic plus the added bonus of the human Souls had spark a weird anomaly of time manipulation – so how can it still work out here on the surface? Perhaps he was assuming too much, just because he could do it outside of the underground, it doesn’t mean the human child was able too as well.

(Though he doesn’t forget to note that Frisks Soul seems way too healthy for being burdened with such power)

Gaster takes a hold of himself and his thoughts, he’ll have to run tests later… his scientific mind can’t help but pick apart what had just happened … to manipulate space and time like this… it shouldn’t even be _possible._

“—YES…YES WE DO!”

_Right…_ Gaster looks at the familiar scene, trying his best not to seem angry at Sans – from what he could already theorize, the manipulation of time is not noticeable to others, they don’t seem to remember.

“heh, thanks….,” Sans is different however, he seems to blank out, his indifferent grin seems strained and his eyelights look unfocused.

“SANS?”

He snaps back immediately though, but Gaster had already caught it and can’t help but feel nervous, “do you uh --,” Sans pauses, takes a look at Gaster and he notices the way the others eyelights flicker in and out, “guys want spaghetti?”

It’s a different line too, is that normal? Gaster isn’t sure, while he had been aware such a power existed –  he was only able to go off his own frantically scribbled down notes that had survived the resets and Chara didn’t give him much information to go off on either, “No,” Sans looks at him in slight surprise, but why? “I’m not very hungry, if I’m being honest.”

The small skeleton stares at him for a little too long and it only makes Gaster more skittish – everything about Sans behavior is just _weird_ and he isn’t sure if it’s all in his head or not. He was after all, dusted by Sans – he’s seeing is son in a completely new light.

“BUT YOU MUST TRY MY MOST INFAMOUS SPAGHETTI!!”

“Maybe next time, Papyrus,” Gaster replies probably too fast, but he plays it off by giving Papyrus an apologetic smile, ignoring the looks Sans was giving him.

“if ya say so,” Sans finally looks away and Gaster looks at him from the corner of his eyes, he’s already walking out, “I’m exhausted, headin’ to bed early.”

“SANS!! IT ISN’T EARLY IF THIS IS WHEN YOU USUALLY SLEEP—“

Gaster sighs in relief, mindlessly ripping the tape off from one of the boxes – he notices then how shaky his hands were. He stares at them blankly, the holes there so cleanly cut and stark against his white bones. Sans had killed him, more than once – he gulps down his nausea.

He clenches his shaky hands into fists, closing his eye sockets. What does he do? He badly wants to confront Sans about it, but the other wouldn’t remember what happened, right? Sure… he seems a bit off, but perhaps Sans’ had the same problems Gaster had when he was younger – he had been strangely aware of resets, but could never remember them, just an off feeling of strong deja-vu – as if walking in a dream.

“GA—FATHER?”

Gaster jumps, his head swiveling towards Papyrus, he looks slightly nervous – but is trying hard not to seem like it. He hadn’t known the tall skeleton for long, but he finds it endearing how Papyrus tries to act confident no matter what.

“FATHER, I JUST WANTED TO SAY,” He looks down briefly before straightening himself out, “I AM GLAD YOU’RE LIVING HERE – WITH US!! AND WHILE SANS AND YOU STILL HAVE MUCH TO WORK ON…I didn’t think I wanted a father! Until now!.”

Gaster’s can feel his phalanges dig into his palms, his soul should have been warmed at those words – but he merely felt doubt, “Thank you, Papyrus,” He smiles, he hopes it doesn’t look off, “I’m glad I’m here too.”

Papyrus grins widely in response, before exiting his room, closing Gaster’s door – to leave him to his things and his thoughts and Gaster had a lot to think about.

\--

Sans closed his door softly behind him and rests his back on it, the quiet and darkness of his room engulfing him. It’s warm, but he still feels chills run up his spine and the cold sink of his SOUL as he shakily breathes in and out.

He clutches the bottle of magic in his pocket, shaking, and – with a quickness he rarely shows – throws the contained liquid across the room, the glass shattering and yellow magic evaporating in an instant.

Sans’ stares at the tiny pieces, eyes glowing, breathing quick with anger and adrenaline – he stood there for what seemed like forever, with his arm still paused from the motion of the throw.

All at once, he just stops; his back hits against the door and he slides down – his tailbone hitting the softness of the carpet. Calm and numbness washes over him as he closes his eye sockets – still processing what the fuck just happened.

Sans had done it, it was over – he had pushed himself to act before waiting at the last moment. But the kid. The kid _R_ eset, **_why_**?

He opens his eyesockets to stare blankly at the small shattered bits of glass reflecting the moonlight from his bedroom window. Sans willed himself to remain rational as he takes out his phone, trying to still his shaking hand as he wakes his phone up and is slightly surprised to see a message already from frisk, but it disappears to a bubbling anger he tries hard to hold back as he pulls up the message.

_7:30pm – lil’ buddy_

_It wasn’t me Sans._

_I’m freaking out. I didn’t do that. I didn’t reset. Please tell me I’m not crazy?_

Sans stares at the message, baffled, but strangely enough his brain immediately clicks to Gaster.

_7:40pm – sans_

_what do you mean it wasn’t you? there’s no one else kid._

He had gone off script. Had refused his offer for food – it shouldn’t have been _different_.

_7:43 – lil’ buddy_

_Please believe me Sans, it wasn’t me._

He had even looked at him warily, Sans wasn’t sure at the time if he was just being paranoid.

_7:45 – sans_

  1. _say i believe u. do ya know who else it could be?_



Gaster hadn’t smiled at him normally, it was strained, off – his hands shaky. Sans own panic didn’t notice at the time, but looking back, Gaster was watching him _closely_. I-It couldn’t be, could it?

_7:47 – lil’ buddy_

_I don’t know, but I can’t access the save files anymore, something is happening._

Sans shut his phone off, thumping his head against the wood of his door – he remains quiet, as his phone buzzes with another message.

Gaster remembered. He remembered. Even if it isn’t confirmed it screams so clearly through his skull, the possible theories and reasoning behind it makes so much sense as it rattles in his skull.

His breath hitches, his body shaking –- Sans barely thinks as he snaps his eye opens, socket flaring brightly with magic as he disappears, the fizz of teleportation left behind.

He pops in swiftly behind Gaster, who swivels his head around with wide eyes. Sans doesn’t give him time to react and roughly grabs his arm – coursing his magic from him to Gaster – the smell of old wood disappears and they’re suddenly falling. It’s the same place he had thrown Gaster, the sound of water roaring through his ears.

Sans phalanges gripped tightly onto the others white dress shirt as they both fall fast with Gaster’s back facing the water. The older skeleton’s eyes were wide, holding desperately onto Sans arms, but he seemed almost frozen as he stares into the others flashing eye – the rabid blue and yellow, bright with concentrated magic – the look was intense and it made Gasters’ whole being feel _cold._

Wind and the scent of fresh water wips around them as they plummet – it felt like forever, like everything was in slow motion – but Gaster realized probably seconds in that he should do something and tries to break free – his hands shoving against Sans skull instinctively -- but it was too late, causing a big splash as they fell in.  

Water slapped against Gaster’s body _hard_ , making his vision blur and his bones ache – but he forces himself to keep struggling, as best as he can – pushing against Sans’ skull or kicking his feet into his torso, _anything_. But Sans grip was steel, using their momentum to slam Gasters’ body into a protruding rock, the back of his fragile skull immediately cracking and oozing with unusual black tar. The impact causes him to breathe in gallons of water, already on the losing side of this horrid situation. He grabs Sans’ arms desperately, but the grip is weak.

Black spotted his vision, his body growing limp – the similar feeling of dying washes over him – before dusting, all he sees is Sans’ look of judgement.

Then somehow, it all clicks, he gets this _feeling_ – this sort of command that echoes through his body. It pulses through his bones and Soul.

Time unravels, flickering scenes rewinding – Gaster sees it all this time, it’s like flashing pictures through his mind, as he’s brought back to the warmth of his room, to the smell of spices and wood.

He wastes no time and shuffles back, Sans’ hand falls on empty air and he just _stops_ there, looking up at Gaster with a unnerving look of calm.

 “it was you.”

Gaster doesn’t know what he means, but he’s ready to fight this time – his own eye lighting up in warning but Sans’ doesn’t pull him into an encounter, instead he distinguishes his magic and pockets his hands.

“how?”

“You tried to kill me.”

“correction,” Sans grin is humorless, “i did kill you, twice,” His body is laid back, casual, despite the whole seriousness of the conversation, “there’ll be a third if you don’t answer my question.”

Gaster stares, his attack dissipating, but he remains tense and on guard, “You…remember?” Strangely, he isn’t surprised – the way Sans’ had acted earlier had been alarming enough, but it was still _strange_ – How in the world was Sans’ different than any of the other monsters?

The other remains silent, as Gaster tries to collect his thoughts, tries to analyze the shorter skeleton in front of him, “I don’t know,” He finally answers, “I was told that I could, so I did.”

Sans teeth tense at that, it makes Gaster wary, “you’re not making any sense.”

“I was told, because I shouldn’t exist the ‘RESETS favor me’,” Perhaps Gaster shouldn’t be explaining to the very monster who has dusted him three times now, but strangely he felt a small spark of pleasure seeing Sans calm demeanor slightly crumble.

Sans eyesockets close, as if in thought, his body slumped in resignation, “who told you this?”

“It was Chara,” Sans doesn’t look confused or shocked, “What the hell is going on, Sans?”

The skeleton doesn’t respond, his body language the perfect definition of _tired_. Gaster’s fists clench, feeling a spark at anger gnaw at him at the others uncaring attitude – he doesn’t say sorry, he doesn’t look even _remotely_ guilty.

“I remember,” He starts, eyelight watching Sans closely, “That you – you dusted me – in that _machine,_ ” Sans remains stoic, “And now you’ve attempted to get rid of me for a _third_ time, how _could_ you?”

“you think you have a right to be angry?” Sans left eye glows, flickering between blue and yellow, his teeth stretched into an empty grin, “ya’ don’t even _remember_ , you don’t know _what_ you did to me – to _papyrus_.”

Gaster gulps, his mind screaming at him to deny, to keep hold onto his anger – But Charas’ words echo tauntingly through his skull _‘you were even worse then me.’_

“I-it doesn’t matter,” The heat behind his words are gone, however, “That doesn’t excuse dusting another monster!”

Sans falters at his comment and Gaster catches a brief flash of guilt before it’s carefully concealed, “guess what ya’ did must have been pretty bad, huh?”

The millisecond shift of doubt on Sans’ expression is what keeps him stubborn, “You think you have the right to be the judge of _my_ punishment then? You’re just a murderer.”

_“shut up._ ”

Gaster catches the shift in Sans’ tone, hesitating slightly as bones start to manifest around Sans, threatening and looming – but he stands his ground, “Go ahead. I’ll just come back.”

The bones stay still where they are and Gaster then realizes – behind Sans’ mask – there is _fear_. The slight shake of his shoulders, shadows heavily under his eyesockets, even his attack bones seem to waver slightly in anxiety – reflecting on their casters own emotions.

The bones vanish, Sans shaking becomes a little more noticeable, “so? whats the plan now?”

“What?” He is so taken off guard by his discovery; it takes a minute for him to process what the other was saying.

“you know I’ve dusted you, you know i still want you gone, what are you planning to do about that?”

Gaster stares, was he afraid that he’ll pay him back? Does Gaster _want_ to do that? He isn’t too sure, honestly. He had just wanted an explanation and maybe an apology – what does Sans _expect_ him to want other than that?

“I just wanted an explanation,” Gaster says out loud and looks to the side, the cracks on the wall stark in the dim lighting, “And an apology.”

“that all? not gonna rat me out, not gonna dust me back in revenge?”

Gaster frowns, feeling like the other was trying to prompt a reaction out of him, “No, I… can’t do something like that,” He turns his gaze back to Sans, he can’t read him at all now, his metaphorical mask is completely on, “I think – I still think that we can became a real family, that is all I want.”

Sans stares at him, unblinking, the silence between them stretching long, “ok,” he simply says, “im sorry,” The apology is flat, not at all sincere, but Gaster takes what he can get – because in a way he feels a swirling uneasiness in the way Sans looks at him, but he just isn’t sure what it is.

“Thank you.”

Sans turns away when the words slip from his mouth, back facing him – strolling out of his room and closing the door with a soft click – like they just had the most mundane conversation. He strains his ears as he hears Sans’ footsteps walk down the hall and the soft echo of him entering his room.

Gaster lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, his tense body slumps, and he seats himself on the edge of his bed, the mattress sinking under his weight – he stares at the cracks and bumps of the wall, mindlessly tracing their patterns,  he hopes the gut wrenching heaviness in his Soul is merely temporary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! im really slow! but have this chapter *offers*   
> my nsfw is qyuqew.tumblr.com and sfw is pyupew.tumblr.com  
> i draw! on there! :)


	7. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaster and Sans go for an outing, its as successful as one would suspect.

As Gaster suspected, it was tense between himself and Sans. Even Papyrus noticed and – bless his soul – had tried to fill the awkward silence as best as he could. Alas, he had to leave for work eventually, leaving the two by themselves, awkwardly eating breakfast across from each other.

The older skeleton robotically moves his scrambled eggs around with a fork, frowning down at his plate. It seems like the other wasn’t willing to budge, despite Papyrus being gone, and Gaster didn’t want to seem like he was running away. Even though he desperately wanted to.

The silence between them only stretched, the noise of forks scraping against porcelain plates. He takes a bite out of his cold and under seasoned eggs despite his appetite being nonexistent.

“im taking you out shopping.”

Gasters’ whole frame freezes, snapping his head up to look at Sans, who met his eyelights in a calm demeanor. With great difficulty, he forces himself to swallow down his food, “Wha... what?”

Sans looks away and sighs, “papyrus wants me to take you out shopping. get you proper clothes.”

“Toriel…she gave me—“

“paps says they’re good temporarily, that ya’ need clothes of your own.”

“Oh,” He couldn’t help the distrust, why would Sans want to… take him shopping? Did Papyrus really influence the small skeleton this much? He wanted to pry, wanted to ask what was going through that round skull of his, but could only manage a confused, “O… ok.”

“great” Sans’s tone was neutral, there wasn’t even a hint of coldness in it, “we’ll go after we eat.”

After a while, they both ended up not eating much, quietly getting their coats and putting on their shoes as they got ready to leave. The tense air around them doesn’t disappear even a little as Sans locks the door behind them.

They start strolling along the sidewalk to the nearest store – Gaster is confused as to why, since he has seen Sans teleport more than once. He decides not to comment on it however, knowing it wasn’t his place to question the other. Fortunately, the area the skeletons lived in was rich with compact stores that were easy to reach within walking distance. So while the walk felt like it took forever due to the awkward company, in reality it was only took 10 minutes.

They arrived at a small shopping district, lined with a variety of stores and restaurants. It quickly diverted Gasters’ attention, unable to stop himself from staring at the humans who walked past them – immediately fascinated by the culture. He caught a few of the surface dwellers staring at them strangely, but for the most part it seems as though humans had adapted to monsterkind.

A sort of bubbling giddiness rises as he spots monsters conversing with other humans, as if they were long time friends. It was amazing to see humans and monsterkind getting along so peacefully.

“hey.”

Gaster slightly jumps, realizing, with a small amount of embarrassment, he had stopped walking in his excitement. Sans was waiting for him with a quirked up brow bone, hands stuffed in his pockets in a show of nonchalance.

He smiled sheepishly, continuing to follow the other – Sans didn’t seem to be annoyed or impatient, but Gaster knew all too well the stout skeleton wanted to get this whole thing over with.

They stop by a clothing store. It didn’t seem to expensive, with the way it was set up and how the material looked, but it still excited Gaster as he looked around with wide sockets, he was easy to please and entertain.

“ok, your budget is $200,” Sans informs, stuffing his hands into his pockets and handing Gaster weird green cotton-y paper, he looks at it with a curious eyelight.

“What is this? And what is 200 Dollars?”

Sans pauses, looking at him blankly, before realization dawned on him, “oh,” Gaster still hadn’t taken the money so Sans decides to stuff it back into his pocket, “it’s the human money here…,” He sighs, looking slightly bothered as he closes his sockets – the first emotion he has shown today, “i guess i’ll budget it. just go pick out some clothes quickly and tell me the prices.”

Gaster felt slightly peeved at being treated like an annoyance, “I can do it myself.”

Sans didn’t seem convinced, “ya’ seem like a stupider version of yourself, i don’t think so.”

“What--?” How could the other say that without batting an eyesocket, “Excuse me? I remember _enough_ from my time as a royal scientist – I can figure out how silly currency works.”

“ugh, you’re still so full of yourself,” Sans grumbled, “look, as much as i _don’t_ want to do this – this is paps money and i aint having you screw it up, _capiche?_ ”

Gaster glared, feeling the last of his patience dropping, “I’m--!”

He was cut off by Sans putting a hand up to his face, “nonnegotiable,” Sans turned around, waving a hand silently for the other to follow him towards the line of clothes.

“How dare--!” Gaster takes two long strides to catch up with him, “You know, it’s disrespectful to speak like that to your father!”

Sans stopped in his tracks, making Gaster almost crashed into the smaller skeleton, “you’re not my dad.”

Gaster freezes up, his Soul thudding with hurt. Sans said it in such a cold tone, like he had made up his mind a long time ago, “Sans…” If only the other would _tell_ him what he did, but Sans was being so _stubborn_ —

“anyways,” Sans immediately started walking again, the air around him shifting dramatically, “men’s section is over here.”

Instead of arguing further, he obediently follows Sans, being presented with rows of clothing – it seemed it was organized by size and article of clothing. It was a rather chaotic system; it made Gaster cringe as he watched a human shift through the clothes one by one. How ineffective.

Still, his eyes did get caught by interesting clothes. It was actually quite amusing, re-figuring out his own taste in fashion. He liked the pristine and dark type of look, with button down shirts and black dress pants. He periodically told Sans the prices, which he seemed to add up in his mind – admittedly Gaster was doing so too without much thought. In an outsiders point of view, perhaps Gaster’s choice of clothing was rather stale and boring, but he found it _fascinating_ , because it proves just how the Soul of a monster works – how they are so Intune with themselves despite loss of memory. Completely Amazing.

Soon he had 200 Dollars’ worth of clothes in the cart they randomly found abandoned in an aisle, it was just a pile of black, white, and a few tan colored articles of clothing (he wanted to experiment.)

Sans had barely spoken the whole time, just making sure to confirm the prices and telling Gaster to try clothes out after he picks everything. Which, by the way, sounds like a _lot_ of work that he’d prefer not to waste time on – but he could tell Sans would force him to do it anyways, so he kept his mouth shut and took his pile of clothes to a changing room.

Sans waited patiently outside the room he was in, holding the extra clothes in his arms due to the limit in dressing rooms – which Gaster wanted to _dearly_ ask about, it confused him, but again – kept his mouth shut.

He did the last button of the pristine white shirt, before grabbing a pair of black dress pants and shuffling into them, they fit rather nicely as he suspected – he already felt more like himself. Fortunately, he just picked out a lot of the same clothes, so it marked off half of the things he had to try on – _thank goodness._

Gaster opens the dressing room door, intending to get the rest of the clothes from Sans, but pauses when he notices the other’s eyelights vanishing when they meet each other’s gaze. He looked… shocked? Scared? For the life of him, he doesn’t understand _why_ he was looking at him like that. Gaster looked down at himself briefly, did he look weird??

“Sans…?” He called hesitantly, said skeleton jumping before his dim eyelights re-appeared.

Gaster felt his frustration bubble as the other averted his gaze, “…here,” he holds out the clothes, “take these, i’m gonna sit down.”

The taller skeleton doesn’t take the clothing at first, hand clutching the handle of the door. Why couldn’t Sans just _tell_ him what’s wrong? The vagueness, the weird fear in his eyes – he doesn’t understand and it _frustrates_ him.

Sans looks up at the other in confusion, looking slightly annoyed at the others lack of action, “did ya lose your hearing too? h’llo?”

Gaster grabs Sans arm before he could react, who yelped and surprise. He forcefully places Sans into the dressing room with him, shutting the door and blocking it with his body.

Sans yanks his arm out of his grip, holding it close to his body as if burnt, the article of clothes falling from his arms and softly falling on the tiled floor. His eyelights look around frantically, the room was small and there was only an inch of space between them. Gaster crosses his arms, looking sternly down at his son; he is going to get to the bottom of this.

Despite the initial fright, Sans glares up at Gaster, which isn’t very effective with how much he’s hugging himself to the wall, “what the hell is wrong with you!?”

“I’m sick of not knowing what’s going on,” Gaster lets out an irritated puff of air, “Sans you…you dusted me… _why_?” He stares critically into Sans eyelights, “What did I do to warrant that?”

“i—“ Sans  couldn’t hold the gaze and looks away, he didn’t look any more relaxed. Gaster could only compare him to a cornered animal, “it’s, i,” he flounders, the mask he had built up slowly crumbling, “ _i don’t need to tell you anything_ ,” He splutters out, his left eye flashing and ready to teleport—

Gaster panicked, going on autopilot as he grabbed Sans’ arm and pins it to the wall behind him, his shadow engulfing his Sons’ whole frame.

It’s silent for a second, Sans not looking up at Gaster at all – for some reason this makes him mad, “Is that your solution to everything? Just to _run_ away?” He grinds his teeth together. He was trying to be kind and understanding, while Sans wasn’t helping at all – just actively avoiding and stubbornly remaining silent. How is their relationship supposed to mend when he’s _being_ like this??

 “let go.”

“Absolutely _not_ , you’ll just teleport!” He grips Sans’ wrist a little tighter, making the other flinch, “Can you please look at…me….?”

Gaster trailed off as he noticed how much Sans was shaking, his breathing short and labored, he couldn’t see Sans’ expression – his head tilted down the whole time, “…Sans…?”

“l..please, let go,” His voice is small and scared, suddenly docile. It alarms Gaster, so he lets go immediately and backs away from Sans. He only sees the raw fear in the others sockets before he’s suddenly gone, the wisps of magic the only thing left behind.

The taller skeleton stares blankly at where Sans was, his mind reeling at that unexpected reaction – he had expected anger…annoyance, an _argument_ , but…but not _that_.

And then he see’s something, It’s like a train of memories ramming into his skull suddenly – fast and sudden: Wide Sockets, much younger and filled with that childlike innocence. He can feel the ghost of desperate hands clinging to his coat, the echoes of pleads and sobs – everything was a blur of blue tears and bones. Then the memory ended, vague and just as frustrating as this whole situation.

He’s left a shaking mess, his breath coming out short and labored. It was a confusing memory, but _alarming_ – That was definitely about Sans.

The memory makes his stomach roll, regardless of how unclear it was. And he felt… _weird._ There was a warmth pooling in his lower gut, swirling and building with an itch – what sort of itch? He isn’t quite sure, but it freaks him out. He could only stand there and try to keep his growing nausea at bay.

The worst thing about this? He still doesn’t _understand_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look! i did it!   
> my dumbass depression keeps me from keeping up w shit but iM TRYING...thank u for ur patience!!!!


	8. Resurfacing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May you never forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friendly reminder to mind the tags

It was always so tangible for them. It was never a difficult feat, fast like the snap of their fingers.

But, now that it’s gone and it _frightens_ them. Frisk had use this power for good, had abused it, lied through their teeth, had control taken from them – but they always had the ability to reset. Never have they felt so…. _vulnerable._

Sans knew something, but he’s cryptid as always. They know it’s their fault he doesn’t trust him and they have to live with that, so it’s up to them to find out just what is going on.

They suspect that Chara is behind it, with flowey stuck in the Underground and unable to override their determination – it was the only thing possible. They knew a way to contact them too, it was just a matter if they could access the reset hub or not.

It’s fine if Sans doesn’t trust them, Frisk will make up for it – they won’t let him suffer anymore. It’s the least they could do.

\--

Sans gasps as he lands in an alley way,  that’s not too far from the clothing store. He leans his hand against the brick wall, scraping his boney hands against the rough texture, a hand clutched over his pacing Soul – greedily gulping down breaths.

He’s shaking as he forces himself to steady his breathing, squinting his sockets down at the dirty gravel ground – an abandoned cigarette bud lying innocently by his feet.

“fuck,” he growls, crushing the bud under his slipper and grinding it into the cement. His fists clench at his sides as anger briefly overwhelms him – not at Gaster, but at himself. Sans had freaked out over nothing again, too caught up in the past to rationally respond. He’d let his mask crumble under his father, not expecting to be literally backed into a corner like that – _stupidstupidstupid._

Maybe he should feel angry at him, god he _wants_ to be. But if anything he’s just _terrified_ , and this whole trying-to-be-a-good-father charade is fucking with his head. It’s making him feel _horrible_ for being cold towards Gaster and it really goddamn shouldn’t. He should be fighting, tearing that man apart for ruining him – but he just isn’t strong enough to do that. Not when that very man doesn’t even _know_ what he did.

Sans sniffed, noticing with a start that his cheeks were wet. Quickly he wiped the tears away and lets out a few quick paced breaths – just like Papyrus taught him to do.

He has to go back, he can’t just leave Gaster alone like that – it would upset Papyrus. But god was it _tempting_ , to just leave the source of his problems… if only killing him worked. Heh..

Sans clenched his teeth together, reluctantly straightening his posture and forcing his face to remain neutral – what a fucking situation.

He exits the ally way, turning towards the clothing store he left Gaster at – his Soul was still beating with anxiety, but if he can just quickly get this over with he can lock himself away in his room and sleep it off – maybe take a few shots of bourbon.

Sans takes a few steps back but freezes when he watches Gaster exit the store. Of course with no view of the clothes they were planning to get him, Sans did take the money with him after all. The older skeleton looks left before then right, perking up when he spots Sans.

He expects the other to just be mad again, but Gaster seems to hesitate before walking towards him – that’s funny, he looked almost _guilty._

Gaster stopped when he was only a few feet away from him, noticeably keeping his distance and hunching his shoulders awkwardly, he keeps his gaze averted, “Sans… I’m sorry, are you ok?”

Sans stares and he stares, this isn’t the Gaster he knows. He isn’t sure how to feel about it, “where’s your clothes?”

Gaster straightens up slightly, flickering his gaze to Sans briefly before looking away again, “…They said they’ll hold it for me,” He wisely let Sans lead the conversation, not mentioning how he ignored his questioned and what just happened. This just, wasn’t Gaster.

His father was always confrontational and strange. He never showed his anxiety, always holding up a mask of confidence and leadership – it always seemed like he knew the secrets of the universe, like he could take one look at your Soul and know your worst secrets.

What Sans see’s now is just a monster trying to figure himself out.

He hope he never does.

“ok, wait out here I’ll go get them.”

Sans briskly walks past Gaster, his Soul twisting in a familiar hurt – he was confused and scared. It’s unpredictable what Gaster is going to do. If he reverts to his old self while having the ability to reset, how the fuck is he going to _fix_ that? God. _God._

He hands the clerk the money while they bag the clothes, noticing his shaking hands.

But what if he…remains like this? Ignorant of his faults, just the shell of a man he was before? He’s not sure he can even comprehend such a situation happening, it was way too far fetched and…bizzare. Sans isn’t sure if he can stomach even _that_. Having to pretend what happened never happened, needing to tolerate another demon around him – _hah_ … He just can’t win, can he?

Sans takes the big plastic bag filled with clothes, heavy in his grip as he turns to look outside the large window panes of the store. Gaster shuffling his feet awkwardly, his right hand rubbing at his elbow as he tries to keep himself distracted.

God, what is he supposed to do?

\--

The walk home had been silent. A lot more awkward (and solemn) than before, Gaster was just glad he was able to lock himself in his room before it got any worst.

He sighs, putting his bag filled with new clothes on his bed, peering inside – every time he wears them he’s just going to get reminded of that scanerio. Ugh.

The anger and frustration against Sans was non existent now. Still frustrated, yes, but not at Sans – the memory at the changing room really …distressed him. It gave him an odd feeling, one that was hard to pinpoint and explain.

There was disgust, but a burning itch deep within his gut…?

He gulps, feeling himself grow uneasy. He wishes to pursue answers, but now…he’s starting to feel frightened by the idea. It was just this feeling of heavy dread, swirling in his gut, like his being already _knows_ what had happened – but his memories just aren’t catching up.

Gaster can’t confront Sans anymore, even _if_ the idea still tempted him. There was legitimate fear in his eyes, something that really clicked in his head. He had thought there was hate, anger, and a need for revenge behind Sans dusting him – but he sees now it was just _fear_. God…not just that, it was like Gaster was his very walking nightmare.

He cups his face with his hand, letting out a long drawn frustrated groan. Why must things be so complicated? Gaster drags his hands down his face, tired sockets looking blankly at the ceiling.

Sans…was startlingly vulnerable too. Wide sockets and shaking bones. He’s short, but at that moment his height was never so prominent until then, he could probably just carry him with one hand. If he wanted too, he could easily pin him down and – _and..and…?_

< _“Just like that.”_

_The rooms strictly medical. Simple medical bed, IV’s, drawers and cabinets filled with syringes and drugs. The equipment was organized chaotically but in a way he understood._

_His hands spread the magic before him, a figure bent over the medical table – paperwork and bottles shoved aside. They were on their tippy toes, elbows resting on the metal surface. Shaking and panting, legs wide open obediently as fingers slid down the slit of bright blue magic. Purple magic dipped out, sliding down on shaking femurs and onto the cold tile floor._

_“Be prepared for another round Sans.” >_

The memory ended with a snap and left Gaster choking on air, he clutched at where his Soul would be – his breathing frantic. It’s like he couldn’t catch up, he could barely _breath_.

There’s no mistaking what he saw, there really isn’t – he had..he had..oh god.

He retched out his breakfast.

\--

-

( Cold, cold fingers – wrapping, coursing and shoving its way down his Soul. It hurts. It hurts. Gaster Screams )

( _“please no more – please--!”_

_“You’ve disappointed me again Sans”_ )

( blood marrow dripped from the crevices, spilling down ribs and pooling on metal – small hands clutched tightly against black fabric.

Orange eyelights, terrified and pained, “Daddy?” The voice was too, too small, “Did I do something wrong?” )

( _“please just don’t hurt him anymore – you can use me, just not him.”_

He found it amusing. He accepted. Sans was his favorite anyways.)

( **_“Just keep your legs open and take it like the slut you are.”_** )

\--

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey ;) thanks for your patience and sweet messages on the last chapter.  
> just so you're aware! cuz apparently i dont advertise this enough, i mostly draw!  
> nsfw: http://qyuqew.tumblr.com (would prefer if u asked questions about fake here)  
> sfw: http://pyupew.tumblr.com


	9. Cycle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At least Gaster never touched his Soul.  
> Small mercy's.  
> Doesn't make him any better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mind the tags.

It was cold and then hot, cold, hot,cold,hot, god when does it stop.

_( “I didn’t raise a disappointment.”)_

_“Is that all I am to you? Will I never be more?”_

_“If you don’t stop this behavior, then you always will be just **that**.”)_

_(“Souls are the fabrication of your being.”_

_“Stop-stopstopstopstop.”_

_“Do you ever wonder what happens if ones Soul shatters?”)_

_(He reaches inside his ribcage -- melted, molded together, not whole -- just like his soul._

_His bones don’t look like bones anymore, the reflection in the mirror doesn’t look like him anymore._

_Gaster feels nothing.)_

_(When he died, he felt nothing. He should have felt something. He should’ve._

_Gaster never sprinkled his fathers dust on anything._

_He just put it in a trash bag._

_Spring cleaning.)_

_(when he had Sans and Papyrus, he told himself he’d never be like him. Ever.)_

There were murmurs, voices, so familiar yet not – he could feel the weight of his being, the crack on his Soul – when did that get there? Or was that there the whole time?

_(You’re just like him._

_He set the limp body down on the stiff bed, tucking him—no, it -- in._

_No, he’s nothing like him. He’s not doing this out of pleasure._

_~~Oh yes you are, you don’t need to touch him, you don’t need to degrade him. You’re worse than him, way worse.)~~ _

His fingers twitch, he wants to wake up, he needs to wake up. There’s something he needs to do. But what was it? _What was it?_

_(He’s always had thoughts of doing things to his sons. Always always always._

_But he always drank, always cried to his wife, he never wanted to be like him – neverevereverever.)_

_(of course she knew, he told her everything. She understood._

_Maybe that’s why she sacrificed herself when she noticed he drank more, when he became too obsessed with his work, when he yelled at the kids way too much.)_

_(she was merely dust at the end, a test subject, he felt nothing.)_

_\---_

Gaster wheezed out, his vision blurring as he tried to reignite his eyelights, the light rushed to his head – making him wince. The voices around him was just ringing, nothing but ringing.  He can’t tell what’s up or what’s down, where he is, who he was, what he’s doing.

“—Breathe, Gaster, Breathe!”  
  
He takes in a gulp of air, the ringing lowering in volume, his vision aligning into one. He sees a white ceiling first, smells pine, then hears small beeps and buzzes.

“Gaster…?”

Then he sees a group of monsters, he stares at them blankly, then the memory of who they are hits him. Right, he knows them. Right. Acquaintances.

“Alright, everyone ou-out, he needs room and I ne-need to check his vitals.”

Alphys hoards everyone out, but Sans was one step ahead, already out the room right when he saw Gaster stirring. He watches his brother wring his hands nervously, looking at the closed door than back down at his feet. Sans lets a sigh out of his nasal cavity, before approaching Papyrus and giving him a comforting pat on the back, “i told ya he’d be ok, it’s just a fever.”

“I know!” Papyrus chirps, “But... What Alphys revealed to us,” He doesn’t bother to keep his voice a whisper, because it was Toriel, Asgore, and them – the only other monsters who knew.

Surprisingly, Sans didn’t know this prior. No idea that Gaster’s Soul was _fractured_. Something that was told only in myths and children monster books. It was a common controversial topic in the underground: like if such a thing was real, or if it was even _possible_ – and Sans never bothered exploring that subject himself. He doesn’t know how to feel about it.

Especially since it was Gaster.

But it implies that someone had non consensually touched Gasters Soul. A..Soul rape.

Sans is a complicated mix of sympathy, doubt, guilt and confusion with a dash of anger. When he found out, he questioned if that was why Gaster did what he did to him. Or if he was even allowed to feel an ounce of empathy for the Gaster after everything he did.

It doesn’t excuse it, it doesn’t. Nothing ever will. It was wrong, he had broken, put him back together, then smashed him back to pieces just for his own amusement. Sans could never ever excuse that.

Yet why the fuck was he still doing it?

“At least he’s awake now, Papyrus,” Toriel soothed, petting his skull, “I was worried he’d be out for a whole week!”

“4 days is still a lot,” Asgore anxiously ruffled his fur, “I wonder what caused this.”

Toriel slapped Asgore’s back as subtly as she can, making him grunt, “Now, now, don’t make Papyrus any more anxious! Do not dwell on something we cannot control.”

Papyrus nods at Toriels words, his stance becoming wide and his sockets shining, his brows furrowed in willpower to stay positive, “YES YOU ARE CORRECT MISS TORIEL, WE MUST KEEP LOOKING FORWARD!!!”

Sans forces himself to keep his grin wide, winking at Papyrus, “that’s the spirit paps.”

Papyrus grins down at him, his shoulders are still tense, but he does seem a little lighter from Gaster waking up. Thank goodness.

“I must go,” Asgore patted Toriels back, then gave the two skeletons a pat on the head, “But please do keep me updated, I will try to come by tomorrow.”

They bid him farewell, leaving just the three of them. Sans was surprised Toriel was still here, but then she gave him a Look, which made him understand why. She wanted to talk. Fuck.

Sans sighed, “hey paps,” he turns to his brother, “i’m sure Gaster would love to taste that new soup recipe you figured out, he’ll be hungry. why don’tcha make him some?”

Papyrus became wide eyed, delighted to do something distracting such as cooking, “YES, YOU ARE SO RIGHT BROTHER!”

They watch him beeline for the kitchen, Sans keeping his gaze away from Toriel. He felt her eyes on him, reading him, taking him in – he always felt like she could take him apart if she wanted to. She never does.

“Wish to join me outside, Sans?”

He bit back a sigh, finally locking his gaze with Tori and giving her an unbothered wink, “well, course my queen.”

Toriel giggled as Sans offered a hand. She took it without hesitation and they walked to the backyard together. It was well kept, the grass was a nice green and well-trimmed, a few plants here and there – Papyrus had recently taken up gardening and is still trying to ‘Master’ it. Toriel has been giving him tips.

They sit on the lounging chairs in the shade, Toriel taking in the sun. She looked beautiful, with her fur glistening in the nice sheen of yellow and orange. She closes her eyes as the breeze ruffled gently along her fur. It manages to take Sans’ breath away.

The spells broken when she turns to him, her gentle eyes melting into a sort of hardened motherly concern. So he steels himself for what she has in store for him, he has no idea what she wants to talk about.

“…How are you, Sans?”

Alright. Not surprising, but still not expected. Still, he isn’t sure how to respond to that, so he shrugs, “not bad.”

She eyes him, “Since Gaster got sick,” She starts, he tenses, “You’ve been…quiet.”

He turns away, staring at the horizon; he can feel her eyes stripping him, “really? aint I always the watch kinda guy than a join kinda guy?”

“Perhaps,” She says, “But you always put a word in, but this time you just watched without a spec of expression on that face of yours.”

He clenches his jaw, “heh, you really like to stare at me huh?” He leans back in his chair and digs through his pockets, “if I were none the wiser, I’d say ya’ got the hots for me.”

Toriel wisely chose not to bite at his quip, he was snapping at her and she knows, “You know I just worry for you. No one knows what’s going on in that thick skull of yours, so some of us have to keep a close eye.”

Sans took out a pair of human shades from his pocket which had adhesives on the temples. He slipped them on easily, they stuck on his skull, “ya don’t have to do that,” he says softly, laying down on the chair like he’s sun bathing, resting his arms behind his head, “I never asked any of ya’ to do that.”

“ _Sans_ ,” Toriel sounded mad, “Of course we do, we _care_ about you and we want you to be _happy_ ,” but she also sounded sad, “Why is that hard to understand, you thick headed idiot.”

He doesn’t say anything, so she continues with a defeated sigh, “…Does Gaster’s…condition…concern you?”

Sans isn’t sure what kind of answer she wanted, “what do you mean?”

“You’ve haven’t voiced a single opinion on the matter of your father. Did his sudden fever cause you concern? Do you feel sympathy for the condition of his Soul?” She gives him eyes, eyes that are focused solely on him, concern heavy, “What is going on with you? Are you dealing with everything healthily?”

Sans’ grin wavers at the influx of questions, “honestly. i didn’t feel much, I’m just worried for papyrus. I’m sure it’ll hit me later,” a complete lie, it’s hitting him now, “but I’m fine,” he shrugs, “papyrus is the one who needs this tori, not me.”

“I’m not just talking about this, but about your past with your father.”

“oh,” He turns his head to the side, sunglasses glaring with light, “yeah, its cool.”

“…Cool you say?” Obviously that answer did not please Toriel, “…Did you actually tell Papyrus everything?”

“yes, I did,” he adjusted his shades, “are we done yet? I think my bones are getting sunburnt.”

Toriel stares him down, “I know you’re fickle, Sans, you don’t like it when people pressure you or ask too many questions – so I’ll stop here,” She huffs as she gets up from her seat, dusting off her skirt, “But one day your secrets are going to catch up to you, Sans.”

Sans remains silent as she goes back inside and he takes a moment to just stare at the sun, “fickle, huh.”  He’d never been called that, but he suppose Toriel was frustrated enough to try and take a jab at him. Not that he blames her, he damn well knows how infuriating he can be.

With a shrug, he stretches in his seat, popping a few bones before standing up. He puts the sunglasses away and goes back inside – From what he sees Papyrus is meticulously measuring spices while Toriel helps him stir the boiling noodles. He smiles briefly at the display, before moving past the kitchen.

Softly, he walks up to the closed door of Gaster’s. He presses his ear against the door first, hearing only faint whispers, he decides to crack the door open. Alphys looks at him, tense and seems ready to tell him to leave – but relaxes when she sees it’s just him. Then, he is met with Gaster’s weak gaze, for only a split second however – the other skeleton is quick to look to the side, his eyebrows furrowing further. Huh.

“S-Sans,” Alphys whispered.

He took that as invitation to close the door behind him and sit down next to her, “hey,” he nods towards Gaster’s quiet form, “how’s his vitals,” He doesn’t ask out of concern, its more for Papyrus.

“Well, “ She took out her clip board, “H-his magic is st-still pretty unstable,” she nods towards the Soul monitor, “It’s kind of hard f-for him to talk, b-but! he’s able to say some easy words without s-straining himself,” Sans watches as Gaster shifts uncomfortably, “I th-think with a bit more rest and healing foods he’ll be a lot better.”

Sans nods at the information. Their initial guess was that Gaster was just under a lot of stress, so his fractured Soul strained under it, seems like they were right, “ok, i’ll let paps know,” He puts a hand on his past colleges shoulder, “now, you should go home. you’ve done a lot for us, get some rest.”

Alphys smiles shyly, blushing under the appreciation, “i-it’s no pr-problem!” She picks up her bag, “But since he seems stable, it’ll be safe to leave him to you two.”

Sans nodded as Alphys stuffed her things sloppily in her bag, taking a look at the boxes she brought in that held the equipment. He waves at them, “don’t worry bout those, just leave em here I can return them later.”

“Oh!” Alphys smiled sheepishly at him, he can see the bags under her eyes, she really hadn’t slept much, “If it’s not an issue…”

“Course not,” he winks, “ya kno’ me, I’ll just port them.”

Alphys giggles, adjusting her bag and slinging it over her shoulders, “I’ll get going then, I’m ready to sleep for two days,” She turns to Gaster, who was silently watching the exchange, “I’m g-glad you’re awake, G-Gaster! I’ll see yo-you later!”

Sans ignored Gaster as he walked Alphys out the room, closing the door quietly behind him, “I-I sh-should pro-probably say by-bye to the others,” She yawned.  
  
He gives a dismissive wave, “don’t worry I’ll tell paps, Toriels gonna leave soon most likely,” He leads her out the front door, “please just get some rest.”

“I-if you s-say so,” Alphys looks back inside the house, but she shrugs, she seemed too tired to consider it, “C-call me i-if you need something.”

Alphys blinks her eyes sleepily as he walks her to her car, “sure, drive safely,” He watches her unlock the car door and go inside, before she closes it, he decides to ask her, “hey, ya’remember anything about,uh, gaster.”

He knows from what the others say that they’re slowly getting memories back about Gaster, he was a little morbidly curious with Alphys, knowing they were under Gaster in an internship together. He…remembers too…she had nearly caught them in a lot of questionable situations. He was sure she’d even been suspicious of Gaster before his end.

“Well,” She pauses to gather her thoughts, setting her stuff on the passenger seat, “I… K-Kind of, I…w-was pretty young—bu-but I kn-know I was st-studying under hi-him…an-and so were you,” She squints at her driving wheel, as if she was missing something, “Th-that’s all though,” She turns to a tense Sans, “Wh-Why do yo-you ask?”

“ah,” He tries not to make it obvious he was holding his breath, he wasn’t sure if he felt relieved or disappointed, “no reason really, I was just curious,” he closes her door, and she rolls down her window, he winks, “bye alphys.”

She gives him one last look before she starts her car and drives away. Sans watches her go numbly, before going back inside. He bumps into Papyrus, who staggers back (sans doesn’t move an inch) looks down at Sans the front door back at Sans.

“Did Alphys leave?” He craned his neck outside the window, he didn’t have his apron on anymore, he must’ve finished the soup.

“yeah,” he said, “she looked really tired so I sent her home,” he decides then to relay the message of Gasters condition to Papyrus – somehow it doesn’t feel like him talking, “Gaster’s magic is unstable so he can’t talk, but all in all he should be fine.”

Papyrus was already lighter from Gaster waking up, but he notices more weight lifted off him at the news, “THIS IS GREAT! FANTASTIC!”

Sans chuckled, he hoped it wasn’t dry and humorless, “yeah, just feed him monster food and he’ll be good to go.”

Papyrus stumbles away to go back to the kitchen, shouting the news to Toriel. He does manage to somewhat smile sincerely at Papyrus’s antics. He then takes a look at Gaster’s room, the door slightly ajar, he can’t see the other monster but can see the edge of the bed.

He goes in, looking down at Gaster. The monster was still awake and upon seeing Sans, theres a flash of that weird expression again before he looks away again.

Sans clenches his teeth, confused, but decides not to analyze it too much as he closes and locks the door behind him. Gaster flinches at this, but makes no other moves.

Funny, how Sans locks himself in a room with Gaster. The last thing he wanted.

“ya remember how to speak in hands?”

Gaster nods and clanks his hands together, ‘Did you want to talk, Sans?’

Sans isn’t sure if it’s his sickness or what but – the other monster did seem..different. His movements were less jerky, he posture even was less slouched and…, “yep.”

He keeps himself at the doorway, leaning against it, he decides to bring his own hands up, ‘we found out about your soul,’ he doesn’t know why he feels inclined to talk about it but, ‘do you…remember?’

Gaster looks a little more like Gaster when he responds, ‘Yes, just recently.’

It’s about the way his face blanks, the way his hands calculatingly forms the next clank and symbol– but there’s still an unease in him and he still won’t look Sans in the eye, ‘…I never knew when you were still alive. you never told me,’ He leaves the sentence open ended. What did he want from this conversation? Sans doesn’t know.

Gaster raises his hands, lowers them, then raises them again, ‘maybe I didn’t want you to be—‘ he pauses, as if re-deciding what to signal next, 'burdened…it is a heavy topic.’

Gaster looked tired, like he just relived what happened to his soul. Sans hates that he feels a lurch of empathy, it makes him sick, ‘…how?’

He finally looks at him and there’s something in his gaze that terrifies and confuses him – like Gaster was reassessing him, considering him, looking him over in a new light, ‘My father,’ he responded, ‘I was a kid.’

Sans expression hardened and Gaster looked away again. Somehow, that made him angry and bitter, squashing down the empathy he had, ‘I see.’

Sans exits the room without saying anything else.

Yeah.

He was a kid too.

Funny how that works.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dances around.  
> theres some plot holes im not sure if u guys noticed, but i'll fill those boys up, i swear. (well, i'll try)  
> looks like gaster is becoming more like gaster, huh?  
> sfw: pyupew.tumblr.com  
> nsfw: qyuqew.tumblr.com
> 
> ALSO: how would u guys feel bout some chapter art? y/n?


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